"우리..이제 그만하자.."
Today's been a pretty long day for me. Having almost 4 hour's worth of pseudosleep, I woke up at around 6:30am for the enrollment. CRS (Computerized Registration System) loves me so much that I only got 2 subjects during the online enlistment. I still have to manually enlist the other 3--meaning, I have to line up for ages to get a one-in-a-million slot. Walking around the campus enduring heat, sweat, body smell, thirst, hunger, irritation and line breakers.
Last night, I drank a venti green tea frappe. My doctor advised me to stay away from anything with caffeine. But I was really tempted to have a cup of that green tea frappe. Besides, it's kind of a reward to myself. For surviving summer classes. Also, I am still keeping my "No Coffee Until July" promise up. I am. But I didn't know that the green tea frappe will have an effect on me. It took me a longer to sleep last night. I woke up at dawn; my senses were fully awake and my head's really aching. Damn that baobaobao drink. But I still love you, my green tea frappe.
And so I thought I'm going to pass out today. My head was super painful, my body was light, my eyes were heavy. Luckily, I was able to survive this day even though I forgot to take my meds. :|
The tiring and frustrating enlistment made my mood heavier. Thanks to my friends, I was still able to keep my sanity. After lunch, I went to the Linguistics Department to enlist for Korean 12-13. I was lucky to get it, since there were still 12 slots left. But damn as I looked at my Form5a, it was in conflict with my Econ 100.1 subject, which is required in our curriculum, and which I happened to get after waiting on the line for 3 hours. So I had to cancel my Korean 12-13. That was the start of me feeling super down. :( It was really frustrating. I hate that feeling. :(
Jenn, Mahgie and I went to CS to look for MST GEs afterwards. No more MS1. No more Geol 1. Super long line for Physics 1o and NatSci. Gaaahd, it was really frustrating! :| We just decided to continue MST hunting tomorrow. 7am meeting time at MSI. So freakin early. ㅠㅠ
I returned to the Department of Sociology to look for my adviser. Luckily, she was already there. I asked her to enlist me to Socio 179--a major class that CRS didn't even give to me. And while I was waiting for my adviser, I had a nice talk with my batchmate. I've known her for almost 3 years now. But we really never had a chance to talk a lot and to be close to each other. We talked about work, our life stresses and experiences, sociology, psychology, alienating and exploitative capitalist world, everything. I was able to share with her the recent big happenings in my life, and she was also able to open up herself to me. It was partly a stressful and a rewarding experience. It was stressful since all we talked about were about life stresses, exploitation, abuse, and alienation. But it was rewarding since she trusted me enough to open up those things to me. It is also quite relieving to know that someone is also experiencing something similar to what you experience. Shared experience. Belongingness. Comfort. So I am really thankful to her. :)
But sadly, I am still bothered with the harshness of the realities of this life. :( I don't know if I can still hold a grasp. I don't know if I will be able to keep my sanity. I don't know how I would survive in this dangerous world. Admittedly, I am still detached from my current reality. There is still a reality somewhere over there that my heart desires to have. But that reality is not that easy to achieve. It is even sometimes blurry to achieve. :s
And this dangerous life, this dangerous world is scaring me. I am happy that I am a sociology major, and that I get to learn about the realities of this life. But sometimes, it is also hard to know all these information and theories. They will just bother you every now and then. :|
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I am longing for someone. That someone that I hope to meet soon. Everyday of my life I am thinking about that person. I wonder if that person always thinks about me too. I wonder if that person misses me the way that I miss that person too. Sometimes we just have to admit that not everything has a compromise.
And also, I want to properly talk with someone. I want to properly end things. I have many things on my mind. I have many things to say. I have many questions to ask. I have many points to clarify and point out. Yes, I may sound desperate, but trust me, I am just trying to be mature. And I want to fix things. Put things the way that they should be.
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I feel tired right now. I feel stressed out. I feel sad. I want to escape. I want to escape from my acads, my work, my problems, this alienating world, this exploitative world. I want to escape and be with that sole person that I long to be with.
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