지금 기분이 좋아서 감사합니다 ♥

Thesis it!

Alas my (hopefully) final semester in college has come! Lately I've been very preoccupied with stressful thoughts about my studies, especially about my thesis. It's already the third week of classes and there's only three weeks left before the Christmas break, yet I still don't have my thesis topic finalized.

I have been searching for literature materials related to social networking sites (SNS), Facebook, internet, and the sociology of education. I find social networking very much related to the field of computer science (well but of course, it exists in the virtual world, through the computers, you stupid!). Since in computer science you also study about networks, I think it would be of great help for me to study about it in the computer science and physics sense. ohmygosh. T_T I am now so overwhelmed with information overload.

Researches on SNS (social network sites) are focused usually on social capital, youth culture, identity creation, privacy issues, marketing, computer networks, anthropology of the online culture, but I haven't found anything that is related to the field of education T_T

i emailed one Ph.D. student researcher that I found online (he and his colleagues created this "The Facebook Project site" wherein they collate data and studies and information about Facebook studies) and I'm very glad he replied. Now, I am skimming through a lot of links and information.

It makes me happy and somehow my spirits were lifted up to find out that there are actually a number of studies already done in relation to Facebook and to social networking in general. But it's also kind of disheartening that studies about Facebook or SNS and the sociology of education is not of much abundance.

So help me Lord, please. And also you, dearest Ma'am Bau. Hahaha.

I hope I could be more industrious and dedicated.

I just hope.

Day 2--Something you're self conscious about.

Yes, I am an insecure fat cow. Eh?

I am paranoid and I am very much concerned about what other people might think or say about me.

But for the sake of this post, I would say that I am very much self conscious about my physical appearance. Lately I've been gaining extra weight and entertaining pimples on my face. :| I am very much conscious about my potbelly @_@ my big arms @_@ my bloated, oily and pimple-filled face @_@ my big and scar-filled legs @_@ and the way I dress. Okay, enough over sharing.

But I guess I should stop thinking about it, eh?

Day 1--How you're different on Blogger to how you are in real life

Of course in the virtual world, we also kind of choose the identity that we want to show to people. Revisiting my previous posts, I think in Blogger I am creating the impression that I always talk about love, life, and my mishaps. Hahaha. I don't know why, but it's just that when I feel a high feeling or emotion, I would always want to write. It's just unfortunate that the "high emotion" that I always feel is mostly negative or sad. :P

In real life.. I think I am almost the same. Since what I write here are just daily happenings in my life and things that are product of my uncreative mind, I am quite the same. :D

Bipolar-ism.

I guess I haven't really recovered much from the fast-paced semestral break that I had.

On October 16, I went to Korea to spend my sembreak, to see and patch things up with him, to meet old friends, and to feel the love that this country makes me feel. I stayed there for three weeks--barely finishing all my school requirements from the previous semester. I arrived cramming my take home 178 exam (thank you Renz and Ma'am Marcia). The rest of my stay was spent relaxing, watching movies, meeting friends, going to places I've been to and I've never been to, and most importantly spending time with him.

For that three short weeks I easily got used to my daily routine. I got used to having him around and being with him in the precise environment that I wanted to be. Suddenly being with him again is also as sudden as parting ways after three weeks. Everything was just so sudden it was difficult to catch a grip.

I arrived home on the exact day that classes started. I told myself that that decision was perfect, since I wouldn't have too much time to think of and linger my thoughts on him. But I guess I don't get a full hold of my brain and my heart. On Tuesday night, I arrived home crying and automatically calling Bea for some comforting. I don't know. I just felt floating and lost. I feel like I'm somewhere I don't belong. As a psychologist (naks!), she told me that I was only adjusting, since everything was so rapid. There was even no transition at all. I felt like I am passing warp portals. No transition from end of sem to sembreak to start of sem again. No transition from Ph to Kr to Ph again. I guess I haven't learned my lesson after all.

As the days passed by, I felt better. I observed that I would feel extremely sad and anxious at the end of the day, when I am all alone and I just have my self and my acads to face. I hate that feeling. I don't want to suffer another anxiety once again. I don't know why at night, I would just suddenly feel super sad and alone, and I would just burst into tears. I guess my separation anxiety is really big. :(

Anyway, as for being bipolar.. There are moments that I am very positive and excited about the current state of things. But then in just a snap, I would feel so negative, anxious, and afraid. This state is killing me!

I am stable as of the moment. I just finished my thesis topic discussion and my paper in Korean 12-13. Tomorrow, I plan to go to kUPihan, the newly-opened coffee shop in SC. There I would read my 153 readings, and perhaps go with Mica. I badly need a conducive study place! Or maybe I would get a text from Rin, whether we would finally meet or not.

For now, I am missing him so much. Listening to Korean songs make me miss him more, yet they also serve as the remedy for this sad feeling.

It's only a few months till I graduate. I hope I'd be able to pull out my best for this final (hopefully) semester of mine in UP. After this, I hope things would be quite easier and uhmm.. feasible?

The Thirty-Day Challenge

So I'm back to school after that long escape from reality. I am currently watching "Personal Taste" [개인의 취향] which stars Lee Min Ho 이민호 (Boys Over Flowers 꽃보다남자) and Son

Ye Jin 손예진 (Eraser in my Head 내 머리 속의 지우개).It's a story about Jin Ho (Lee Min Ho) pretending to be gay to become Gae In's (Son Ye Jin) roommate in her house, since Jin Ho wants to find out more about Gae In's house for an architecture project. Later on they would find out that they are eventually falling in love with each other. The story's light and interesting plus having Min Ho and Ye Jin together in a drama is a big bonus. :)

Also today, I went home from the two-day girls' bonding. Really, nothing beats the love you get from your high school best friends. Nothing could replace them, indeed. ♥

From Mica's two-time fortune telling mania, to photography-ing the busy Quiapo life, to good ukay finds, Jollibee love, and two-time Starbucks treat from Wawel. Watching "Till my Heartaches End" and "I Do" was quite a good activity to end the night. Plus Kuya Andre's Bacon Supreme pizza that was love and the bittersweet red wine that kept our sanity. You girls are indeed love. ♥

Anyway, as part of the girls' activity, we agreed to do this 30-day challenge that Bea found on Tumblr.

But now, I think I am still too tired and lazy to do this. :S

Promise, I'd start tomorrow. Promise. :P