Because now is never the end..

떠나가버려.

2011-12-09T16:01:00.001+08:00

떠나가버려 다 잊어버려
너랑 다신 보기 싫어
절대 못 만나 아니 안 만나
너라는 사람 꼴 보기 싫어
훨훨 날아가버려
상관말고 꺼져버려
내가 어디에서 뭘 하던
무슨 상관이야
동정 따윈 필요없어
헤어지면 그만인걸
서로 남처럼 모르는 사람처럼 말야
I don't mind I don't mind
떠나가버려 다 잊어버려
너랑 더할 얘기 없어
뭔 말이 많아 그냥 갈 길 가
너라는 사람 꼴보기 싫어
훨훨 날아가버려
상관말고 꺼져버려
내가 어디에서 뭘 하던
무슨 상관이야
동정 따윈 필요없어
헤어지면 그만인걸
서로 남처럼 모르는 사람처럼 말야
I don't mind I don't mind
I don't mind I don't mind
웃어주고 싶지만 잘 끝내고 싶지만
그렇지만 사랑한 만큼
니가 참 미워서
진짜 사랑했으니까
진심으로 했으니까
나를 떠나는 너 때문에 화가 나는 걸
우리 행복했던 추억
이젠 모두 지워버려
서로 남처럼 모르는 사람 처럼 말야
I don't mind

포맨 4MEN - 떠나가버려

This mp3 found @ www.freemp3zz.com

****
Lately I've been posting uninteresting things in my blog. A song lyric like this, or collection of pictures, or lines from a movie or a drama, or.. just plain rants.

But they do express how I feel.

Yes, they do.

헤어질때 심정이 (시크릿가든에서 오스카에게 윤슬한테서)

2011-12-01T23:29:00.001+08:00

Scene video: http://blog.naver.com/PostView.nhn?blogId=eshukina&logNo=60119541149

너 여자 때문에 죽고싶었던 적 없었어?
그럼 내가 알려줄게요.

잠도 못자고 밥도못먹는건 기본이고

잠들고 깨는것도 지옥이에요

사랑했던 사람과 어떻게남이 되는건지 알지못하니까

다른 사람한테 내색할수 도없어 그사람 욕할까봐

그래서 혼자 울어요

우린 끝났는데 우린헤어졌는데

자꾸만 사랑했던 기억들만 떠올라

그러면 그럴수록 그기억들을 지워하는 날이 하루하루 더 늘어날뿐인데

그래서 버림받은 사람에게 365일이 헤어지는 중이죠

근데 정말 아픈건그 사람은내 생각따위는 안하는거 같애

나만 이러는 거같애

그 사람은 나따위는 다 잊고행복할 겨를밖에 없는거 같애

정말 죽고싶은 마음뿐인데 죽을수도 없어

영영 그사람을 못보게될까봐

그런거에요 헤어질때 심정이

본인이 왜 그여자를 잡는지 어떤마음인지 얼마나절박한지, 알겠어요?

***********************

"Have you ever wanted to die because of a woman? If not, then let me tell you how it feels. Not being able to eat or sleep are just the obvious basics. Falling asleep and waking up are hell too because you can't figure out how you and the person you love became strangers. You can't even complain to other people because someone might badmouth him. So you cry alone. To a person whose been left, 365 days are spent getting over the process of the break-up. But the thing that really hurts is that the other person doesn't even seem to be thinking of you. It feels like it's just you who can't let go. That person seems to have forgotten all about you and is just happy. All you want to do is to die.. but you can't die either.. because you may never see that person again."

Credits:

http://blog.naver.com/PostView.nhn?blogId=eshukina&logNo=60119541149

http://otayamin.wordpress.com/s%E2%98%86g-%EB%93%B1%EC%9E%A5%EC%9D%B8%EB%AC%BC-%EC%98%81%EC%96%B4%EB%A1%9C/s%E2%98%86g-%EB%AA%85%EB%8C%80%EC%82%AC-%EB%AA%A8%EC%9D%8C/

http://thedramascenes.com/2011/06/04/open-thread-june-2-secret-garden-favorite-quotes-scenes-and-songs/

http://www.dramabeans.com/2010/11/secret-garden-episode-6/

http://thestar.chosun.com/site/data/html_dir/2010/11/29/2010112901657.html

http://www.asiatoday.co.kr/news/view.asp?seq=422261

2011-11-20T22:43:00.001+08:00

2011년 11월 16일

너한테 말하고 싶은 거

벌써 2주일이 지나갔지만 난 아직도 너무 아픈데..
9개월 동안 기다렸는데 이제 진짜 다 끝났어?
왜? 니가 왜 나를 떠났어?
왜 니가 나를 기다릴수 없어?
내가 매일 매일 많이 힘들지만 끝 까지 열심히 기다리는 거 약속했다고.

TGANG + Juno in Munting Buhangin Beach Resort Nasugbu, Batangas

2011-06-11T14:26:00.000+08:00

June 7-8, 2011
Huling hirit sa tag-init.
One week preparation + tight budget + init ng ulo = fun. :D
Next year ulit gals! :D

Dito naganap ang pictorial ni Anne at ang tree house moment nila ni Sam sa 2010 movie na "Babe I love You"

Punta de Fuego. Next time, dyan naman tayo, kay?! Hahaha.

Kuya Lifeguard.

Mga kuya fishermen.

Mica

In an attempt to have a "shampoo commercial" shot.

Mels

Mahilig talaga akong gumawa ng pangalan mula sa bato pag nasa beach.

Juno.

Mels ulit.

Bea.

Joyce.

Ako at Mica.

"Kat" in Korean.

Lunch at Mang Inasal Nasugbu bago kami umuwi. :D

2011-05-31T23:57:00.000+08:00

School's about to start. This time, I won't be coming to UP to join the patayan pila for prerog and registration. I won't be seeing and laughing with my SAPUL orgmates. I won't be able to have face-to-face intellectual discussions with my Socio friends. I won't be able to walk to ASKAL everyday to rush into the 3rd floor Socio classrooms. I won't be able to live the UP life everyday. I'm happy that I already finished college and that I already graduated and saved myself from the sleepless, haggard academics life. It's just that experiencing, living, and breathing UP is an experience I won't ever forget and I won't ever trade for something else.

UP with Hans on a Sunday.

My beloved UP SAPUL

My buddy of 5 years and beyond Nevin (globalized, eh!)

My most fave Korean 12-13 class

My dear Socio friends

カカロット Kakarot. 우리 카카롯

2011-05-22T21:06:00.000+08:00

Pip gave birth to three cuties last month. Here's one of them. Please welcome Kakarot! ^^ We adopted Son Goku's Super Saiyan name.

안녕하세요~! 저 카카롯 이라고 한데요. 뭐 하고 있어요?

네? 그거 뭐예요? 카... 카메라요?

제 사진을 찍고 싶다고요? 응~ 잠깐 생각할 거예요..

여기서 살고 있어요. 어서오세요오오오오~!

안늉우우웅~!

이게 뭐지?

엄마아아~!

같이 먹을까요?

물! 물! 아 좋다!

자! 필리핀에 많이 더우니까 물을 많이 먹어야 해!

심심해.. ~.~

이거 먹어도 돼요?

이제 끝났어요?

아 간지러워 ㅠㅠ

꺄아아아악~!

난 예쁘지?! ^^

더러운 아기 고양이! ㅋㅋ

나중에 다시 놀자, 알아지? 다시 와, 오케이?! ^^

Sunflower

2011-05-22T16:47:00.001+08:00

The Return of the Comeback.

2011-05-22T15:46:00.009+08:00

So I decided to close my blog November last year due to series of unfortunate events. But I think I missed blogging. I decided to open a new blog in Wordpress last night. But I guess Blogger is always my home. :)

I hope to post more refreshing things. As I hope my knowledge in photography would improve.

Hello sunshinepavements! Because now is indeed never the end. ^^

************

Pictures of the already dry sunflower from UP. The university avenue is filled with sunflowers for the commencement exercises. I got this one almost three weeks ago. I planned to frame it. But but but... Anyway, these are the memories of the sunflower and my university graduation. :)

2010-11-25T23:14:00.001+08:00

지금 기분이 좋아서 감사합니다 ♥

Thesis it!

2010-11-25T22:43:00.003+08:00

Alas my (hopefully) final semester in college has come! Lately I've been very preoccupied with stressful thoughts about my studies, especially about my thesis. It's already the third week of classes and there's only three weeks left before the Christmas break, yet I still don't have my thesis topic finalized.

I have been searching for literature materials related to social networking sites (SNS), Facebook, internet, and the sociology of education. I find social networking very much related to the field of computer science (well but of course, it exists in the virtual world, through the computers, you stupid!). Since in computer science you also study about networks, I think it would be of great help for me to study about it in the computer science and physics sense. ohmygosh. T_T I am now so overwhelmed with information overload.

Researches on SNS (social network sites) are focused usually on social capital, youth culture, identity creation, privacy issues, marketing, computer networks, anthropology of the online culture, but I haven't found anything that is related to the field of education T_T

i emailed one Ph.D. student researcher that I found online (he and his colleagues created this "The Facebook Project site" wherein they collate data and studies and information about Facebook studies) and I'm very glad he replied. Now, I am skimming through a lot of links and information.

It makes me happy and somehow my spirits were lifted up to find out that there are actually a number of studies already done in relation to Facebook and to social networking in general. But it's also kind of disheartening that studies about Facebook or SNS and the sociology of education is not of much abundance.

So help me Lord, please. And also you, dearest Ma'am Bau. Hahaha.

I hope I could be more industrious and dedicated.

I just hope.

Day 2--Something you're self conscious about.

2010-11-18T22:29:00.003+08:00

Yes, I am an insecure fat cow. Eh?

I am paranoid and I am very much concerned about what other people might think or say about me.

But for the sake of this post, I would say that I am very much self conscious about my physical appearance. Lately I've been gaining extra weight and entertaining pimples on my face. :| I am very much conscious about my potbelly @_@ my big arms @_@ my bloated, oily and pimple-filled face @_@ my big and scar-filled legs @_@ and the way I dress. Okay, enough over sharing.

But I guess I should stop thinking about it, eh?

Day 1--How you're different on Blogger to how you are in real life

2010-11-16T23:59:00.009+08:00

Of course in the virtual world, we also kind of choose the identity that we want to show to people. Revisiting my previous posts, I think in Blogger I am creating the impression that I always talk about love, life, and my mishaps. Hahaha. I don't know why, but it's just that when I feel a high feeling or emotion, I would always want to write. It's just unfortunate that the "high emotion" that I always feel is mostly negative or sad. :P

In real life.. I think I am almost the same. Since what I write here are just daily happenings in my life and things that are product of my uncreative mind, I am quite the same. :D

Bipolar-ism.

2010-11-16T23:17:00.028+08:00

I guess I haven't really recovered much from the fast-paced semestral break that I had.

On October 16, I went to Korea to spend my sembreak, to see and patch things up with him, to meet old friends, and to feel the love that this country makes me feel. I stayed there for three weeks--barely finishing all my school requirements from the previous semester. I arrived cramming my take home 178 exam (thank you Renz and Ma'am Marcia). The rest of my stay was spent relaxing, watching movies, meeting friends, going to places I've been to and I've never been to, and most importantly spending time with him.

For that three short weeks I easily got used to my daily routine. I got used to having him around and being with him in the precise environment that I wanted to be. Suddenly being with him again is also as sudden as parting ways after three weeks. Everything was just so sudden it was difficult to catch a grip.

I arrived home on the exact day that classes started. I told myself that that decision was perfect, since I wouldn't have too much time to think of and linger my thoughts on him. But I guess I don't get a full hold of my brain and my heart. On Tuesday night, I arrived home crying and automatically calling Bea for some comforting. I don't know. I just felt floating and lost. I feel like I'm somewhere I don't belong. As a psychologist (naks!), she told me that I was only adjusting, since everything was so rapid. There was even no transition at all. I felt like I am passing warp portals. No transition from end of sem to sembreak to start of sem again. No transition from Ph to Kr to Ph again. I guess I haven't learned my lesson after all.

As the days passed by, I felt better. I observed that I would feel extremely sad and anxious at the end of the day, when I am all alone and I just have my self and my acads to face. I hate that feeling. I don't want to suffer another anxiety once again. I don't know why at night, I would just suddenly feel super sad and alone, and I would just burst into tears. I guess my separation anxiety is really big. :(

Anyway, as for being bipolar.. There are moments that I am very positive and excited about the current state of things. But then in just a snap, I would feel so negative, anxious, and afraid. This state is killing me!

I am stable as of the moment. I just finished my thesis topic discussion and my paper in Korean 12-13. Tomorrow, I plan to go to kUPihan, the newly-opened coffee shop in SC. There I would read my 153 readings, and perhaps go with Mica. I badly need a conducive study place! Or maybe I would get a text from Rin, whether we would finally meet or not.

For now, I am missing him so much. Listening to Korean songs make me miss him more, yet they also serve as the remedy for this sad feeling.

It's only a few months till I graduate. I hope I'd be able to pull out my best for this final (hopefully) semester of mine in UP. After this, I hope things would be quite easier and uhmm.. feasible?

The Thirty-Day Challenge

2010-11-14T22:53:00.026+08:00

So I'm back to school after that long escape from reality. I am currently watching "Personal Taste" [개인의 취향] which stars Lee Min Ho 이민호 (Boys Over Flowers 꽃보다남자) and Son

Ye Jin 손예진 (Eraser in my Head 내 머리 속의 지우개).It's a story about Jin Ho (Lee Min Ho) pretending to be gay to become Gae In's (Son Ye Jin) roommate in her house, since Jin Ho wants to find out more about Gae In's house for an architecture project. Later on they would find out that they are eventually falling in love with each other. The story's light and interesting plus having Min Ho and Ye Jin together in a drama is a big bonus. :)

Also today, I went home from the two-day girls' bonding. Really, nothing beats the love you get from your high school best friends. Nothing could replace them, indeed. ♥

From Mica's two-time fortune telling mania, to photography-ing the busy Quiapo life, to good ukay finds, Jollibee love, and two-time Starbucks treat from Wawel. Watching "Till my Heartaches End" and "I Do" was quite a good activity to end the night. Plus Kuya Andre's Bacon Supreme pizza that was love and the bittersweet red wine that kept our sanity. You girls are indeed love. ♥

Anyway, as part of the girls' activity, we agreed to do this 30-day challenge that Bea found on Tumblr.

But now, I think I am still too tired and lazy to do this. :S

Promise, I'd start tomorrow. Promise. :P

Paulo Coelho Notes

2010-10-10T18:20:00.002+08:00

Be a notebook and allow God to be the pen. If you are techy, be an iPod, connect to iGod and download His words (no login or password required).

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. Getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Love can take us to heaven or hell, but it always takes us somewhere. Therefore, be prepared to travel...
If your mind remains unchanged, you are re-creating every day the same world and the same devils. To see angels flying around, use your wings.

Sometimes you need to lose your old self to find yourself. But when you find yourself, don't lose yourself again.

Don't be someone that searches, finds, and then runs away.

Choosing one path means abandoning others - if you try to follow every possible path you will end up following none.

Change. But start slowly, because direction is more important than speed.

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Life is short. There is no time to leave important words unsaid.

We all neeed to understand that experience is agony and ecstasy at the same time. Pain and joy holding hands. And pain is not suffering, but part of the Good Fight we must fight in the name of our dreams.

Recognize problems when they are still small and deal with them before they grow. And learn how to distinguish between a quick summer rain and a devastating hurricane.

Be the best, but get prepared to be attacked. Only mediocrity is safe.

Let's radiate confidence, which is totally different from arrogance or disdain.

To believe in your choice you don't need to prove that other people's choices are wrong.

Try to be "good", you'll be judged. Try to be yourself, you'll be criticized. Better to choose the second option and move ahead; God will never let you down.

To find your path, trust God and go ahead without asking too many questions. Mistakes happen, but you are protected (You don't believe in God? Don't worry, God believes in you).

I know that defeat is a great master. But I don't want to learn anything today.

Saving my energies; as I can't define life, I am using my time to live it.

What makes people weak? Their need for validation and recognition, their need to feel important. Don't get caught in this trap.

Be proud of your scars. They remind you that you have the will to live

Simple but true: love heals.

Small decisions may hold significant consequences.

When you don't play roles, your actions have far greater power.

If you act like a victim, you are likely to be treated as one.

The only power you have is the power of your decisions. Trust your intuition and use it.

If you want to say "no", say it. "Maybe" is for people who are afraid to commit.

We never learn important things by being told. We have to find out for ourselves.

Avoiding problems you need to face is avoiding the life you need to live.

Changes happen when we open our heart and go against everything we're used to doing, including our prejudices.

You have 2 choices in life: a] to find a way b] to make one.

Keep your sense of humor about your mistakes. But don't repeat them.

Sometimes your power resides not in what you do but in what you don't do.

Focus! You cannot hit two targets with the same arrow.

Today don't beg, don't ask, just thank God in silence for all the blessings in your life.

If everybody loves you, something is wrong. Find at least one enemy to keep you alert.

Some people help others just to make themselves feel better than they really are.

Stop and think twice. Don’t make life decisions based on what you want now.

You deserve the good things that happen to you. Don't feel guilty! Important meetings are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other.

If people cannot see you shinning, it is because their minds are cloudy.

Enjoy life but be attentive. Don't think there are no beasts only because the forest is silent.

**********
Source: http://www.supahmong.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=17598&view=next

The One that Got Away

2010-10-10T18:01:00.002+08:00

image from http://ramsie.wordpress.com/2010/07/23/a-repost-the-one-that-got-away-mark-j-macapagal-the-manila-times/

Hey sembreak! I'm obsessed with you!

2010-09-29T21:21:00.007+08:00

Why do I always feel like blogging when I know I have a lot of things to do??

Simple.

Blogging is escaping.

Mwahahahahaha. ♥

So now, I will make a list of the things that I am required to do to finally meet that dream sembreak. Ohyeass.

♥ ~~Korean Society (~~exam~~, report) - ~~Sept 28~~, Oct 5~~
♥ ~~Economics 100.1 (4th exam, final exam) - Oct 3, Oct 11~~
♥ Sociology 179 (final paper, final exam - Oct 14
♥ Sociology 178 (~~report~~, final exam, take home exam) - ~~Oct 1~~, Oct 14
♥ Sociology 188 (~~4th exercise~~, revised exercise) - ~~Sept 28~~, Oct 14

Five more requirements to gooooooo! Yeyyyy!

NOT.

I can do this! ☆

2010-09-29T06:48:00.002+08:00

Hinga. Hinga. Tambling.

Konti nalang, sembreak, I can smell you naaaaaa.

♥18 moooore days to love.

Today is a happy day! :D

2010-09-08T21:20:00.021+08:00

I don't know why.
I don't know how.
I don't know why.
Maybe because I got a lot of sleep last night?
Maybe right.

I woke up feeling so refreshed this morning. Nine hours of sleep--that's quite long. I ate breakfast, prepared sandwiches for my lunch, took a shower and headed off to school at around 10:30am. Yes, it's quite early than the typical. It's because I have to meet Elai to ask her something.

As I approached the main road, a jeepney already stopped in front of me. Not too many people riding already, so I was able to easily find a comfortable seat. The jeepney music was not too loud, so I was still able to enjoy my ipod. Not too hot, not raining. Not too traffic, just right. I arrived in Katipunan at around 11:05am. Too early for my class. Filled in the last slot for the UP Campus jeep, surprised that the space left was still comfortable enough. Texted Elai that I will go to their tambayan and meet her in a while.

I was enjoying the music that I was listening to; then unconsciously I smiled. For one, I didn't feel super haggard today. I just felt light. I felt carefree. I felt calm. I texted my boyfriend to share the happiness that I am feeling. Indeed, special times of your life are worth sharing to special people in your life. :)

I arrived in UP after 10 minutes. I got a text from Elai asking me to just meet her at 1pm. No problem for me. :) Still feeling happy, I headed to our tambayan, since it was still very early to go to class. There, I met Selah and Renier in Philosoc tambayan. Renier and I even made a parody of Bhoy and Krissie. We enjoyed listening to Selah's story about a guy whom he just rejected. :P Oh, poor creature.

Before going to class, I decided to buy something to drink. I met Clarice and she asked me whether I was able to finish my paper in 188. Confused, I asked her which paper was she referring to. Only to know that we had a deadline yesterday. Since I was 30minutes late during our last meeting, I didn't know that we had something to submit this week. No panics for me, don't worry. I decided not to attend my 11:30 class (sorry, ma'am Marcia) and I headed to the CSSP Comlab. Closed. Then to the Pop I Comlab. Open. Yay for me! Paper finished in an hour. Yes it was a crammed no-quality paper (haha). But at least I didn't have to worry that I wasn't able to pass one.

12:45pm, I headed to Aguman tambayan to meet Elai. Seeing her made me happier. I really missed her. Things really changed a lot this year. The eight of us (KUT people) are already living our separate lives. It's really hard to meet and catch up with each other. So seeing Elai really made me feel happy. :) Plus, I also got to meet Jeric to ask her the same favor I asked from Elai.

It was already 1pm and I didn't notice the time! I ran to the other building to attend my 1pm class. I was late. Again. But thankful that Ma'am Clemen didn't get angry. :P The activity that we had today was alright. Thanks, Clarice. I always look forward to this class, honestly. We were dismissed 30 minutes earlier. Yay!

To SAPUL tambayan for our weekly GA. Seeing friends is really a good activity to de-stress. Meeting--APSM Open Tambayan--meeting. It took us a long time to talk about our activities, but this time I didn't feel bored. We left UP at 6:30pm. Yay to the Katipuneros-slash-Katipunan Buddies present: Kat, Ron, Mikko, Kin. :D

I decided to finally drop by the Korean grocery store in front of Town and Country Subdivision (송연 식품). I fancied buying Aloe Juice (and meeting a Korean, ㅋㅋㅋ) but I was sad that I didn't find one (there was a Del Monte aloe juice there, but I want the Korean brand). So I ended up buying Maxwell coffee in can and 칸쵸. It is the Korean version of Hello Panda. Still, I am happy. I slowly walked towards the bridge, as if I am in a Koreanovela--enjoying my time, and feeling the place, reminiscing about happy thoughts. I slowly crossed the bridge. I even stopped and watched the vehicles on the road. I was feeling happy, really. As if I have no problems and no negative thoughts bother me (acads, acads, acads!!!).

I rode a jeepney again. After minutes of debating with myself, I decide to let go of my 50 peso bill which has the 60-year anniversary logo of the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas. Thankfully, the jeepney fare was just 7 PhP. So I got my 50-peso bill back, since I have 7Php coins.

I arrived in Francia. Crossed the street, walked to our house, and voila! Arrived "un"-stressfully.

Today is indeed a happy day, I don't know why. :)

Things that made me happy today:

Maxwell + Kan Chyo

Kan Chyo

50 Php Bill with Central Bank 60 Year Anniv Logo

Cute little pink Miss Jane's shirt

Confused.

2010-09-02T00:47:00.002+08:00

I respect your opinion, but please also respect mine.

Ich bin studying.

2010-08-30T21:39:00.001+08:00

Ich bin studying. Ich bin studying.

Break from the ~~constant Facebook and Farmville routine~~ (pseudo)studying and (pseudo)paper writing that I am doing. Oh sometimes being a sociologist could be a pain in the ass. But let me just say that I am inspired to study. 100% inspired. Super inspired.

It's just that I really haven't "seriously" started my paper yet.

But yes, I am inspired. Let me just tell you.

I can't access Jstor off campus. So it's really a major major problem since I still need some journal articles. My last resort was to contact the boyfriend and ask him to have a remote desktop connection with me so that I can access the site through their campus' internet (since their campus is subscribed to Jstor). Oh, novelty. I think when it comes to studies, he could really agree with me. :P

So now I am inspired. Hahaha. And therefore, I should start writing my paper na. Hummmm.

:|

2010-08-28T23:53:00.000+08:00

I don't know how to handle my attitude problem. :|

Alone.

2010-08-25T23:11:00.003+08:00

In this life, it's sometimes better to be living alone; completely without having anyone in your life. Because it doesn't make you hurt to feel that nobody cares about you.

It's your (late) birthday! :D

2010-08-24T22:24:00.004+08:00

Today, it has been a year and 3 days since this blog was created.

One summer afternoon in Korea, I was experiencing separation anxiety. One of my most valued friends was already leaving the university. And our summer days together might be the last time that we would be able to see each other. During those times, I was so sad and down. A few weeks after we separated, I decided to create this blog to have an avenue for me to release my thoughts and feelings.

It was hard to think of a blog name. I tell you, I'm really not the creative type. I was also worried since I'm really not much of a writer. So basically this blog's just about my randoms, rants, diaries, and every manifestation of my manic state.

But ohwell, a year has already passed. And for a year, I was able to write 67 blog posts. Hahaha. This blog has been a witness and recorder of all my whims and shouts. And I hope I'll be able to maintain and utilize it more. I don't care if nobody reads my blog. But of course I still hope there would also be interested ones, haha. So I am still happy to see the live view of visitors--whether they just accidentally stumbled upon this blog while they're searching for keywords in google, or Facebook friends who accidentally clicked my blog link on my info page, or just random people who randomly stumbled upon my blog. :D

Happy birthday to you, Sunshine Pavements! More years to come! :)

And so I wanted to become a photographer.

2010-08-19T12:13:00.026+08:00

And so I wanted to become a photographer.

No.

I really want to be a photographer.
The professional one.
With all those pro and high tech equipments.
And all those high end knowledge and amazing skills.
Yes, I would really want to become a photographer.

I remember Tei and Kang Mi Yeon's "7 Things I Promise You" MV photoshoot. The pictures are just so amazing they inspire me to become a photographer. I wish I could produce such amazing pictures too.

photos from Korean Lovers Photoblog

I suddenly thought of becoming an apprentice to one professional photographer I know. I know her. But she doesn't know me. Fail, I know. I imagine bumping into her around UP and then hastily introducing myself and spontaneously asking her if I could apply to become an apprentice. Haha. Yes, Ms. Sheila Catilo, I'm talking about you. (She might be scared and horrified if she sees this post. But anyway, she doesn't know me. :D ) I just stumbled upon her multiply account through my ex. Her wedding pictures amazed me. And since then, I became an instant fan and a frequent visitor in her site. I even added her up in Facebook and I've been ~~stalking~~ looking at her pictures since then.

I will become a photographer, a professional one.

My passion for photography started in high school. That was the time when the compact digital camera has been gaining popularity in our batch. Photos here, poses there. Vanity was all around. And then finally I got my very first own camera as my 19th birthday gift from my tita. A Canon Ixus 870 IS. It was love. Super. And then last year, I was able to buy a second hand Canon EOS 400D. It was heaven. :D But but but. My dilemma is that I need to study photography. Not self-study but I want to enroll in a photography class (or become Ms. Sheila's slave, hahaha). It's just so expensive. :|

****

It's Manuel Quezon Day today, hence, there are no classes in Quezon City. I am lazily browsing the internet and devoting 90% of my online time to Farmville. I am addicted to it. I.AM.ADDICTED.TO.FARMVILLE. :|

I realized that it has been a long time since I last updated my blog. I was able to visit my bestfriend's blog, and it inspired me to write again. I wish I could also write amazingly as her. :) And I found this site that she posted in her blog. It contains the Top 1000 Awesome Things in Life. The little things that we take for granted in our everyday lives. The little things that if we really pay attention to, would bring innocent happiness to our hearts. :)

http://1000awesomethings.com/

*****

I shall meet my bestfriend later. And I shall be happy. So far, I am inspired about almost everything in my life. Don't let the stress take you down, dear Kat.

And then, after a few years or so, I shall become a great professional photographer. :D

Here are some of my shots ;)

Nothing Better than You

2010-08-16T20:40:00.003+08:00

내게 언젠가 왔던 너의 얼굴을 기억해
멈춰있던 내맘을, 밉게도 고장난 내 가슴을
너의 환한 미소가 쉽게도 연거야

그래 그렇게 내가 너의 사람이 된거야
못났던 내추억들이 이젠 기억조차 않나
나를 꼭잡은 손이 봄처럼 따뜻해서

이제 꿈처럼 내맘은
그대 곁에 가만히 멈춰서요
한순간도 깨지 않는 끝없는 꿈을 꿔요

이제 숨처럼 내곁에
항상 쉬며 그렇게 있어주면
nothing better nothing better than you
nothing better nothing better than you

이제 꿈처럼 내맘은
그대 품에 가만히 안겨있죠
한순간도 깨지 않는 끝없는 꿈을 꾸죠

이제 숨처럼 내곁에
항상 쉬며 그렇게 있어주면
nothing better nothing better than you
nothing better nothing better than you

nothing better nothing better than you

****

It always appeared before me
Your face, I remember
My heart that stopped short
You spitefully took my disfunctional heart
And with your bright smile
That's how you easily opened my heart

It's true, that is how I became your man
All my unpleasant memories, I no longer recall
Because the hand that holds me tight
is as warm as spring

And now like a dream my heart
has gradually stopped by your side
Without awakening for a single moment,
I dream an endless dream

And now like breathing,
if you were to always rest by my side
if you were to always remain this way
nothing better nothing better than you
nothing better nothing better than you

And now like a dream, My heart
in your embrace, is held still
Without awakening for a single moment,
I dream an endless dream

And now like breathing,
if you were to always rest by my side
if you were to always remain this way
nothing better nothing better than you
nothing better nothing better than you

nothing better nothing better than you

****
lyrics from JpopAsia

짜증나!

2010-07-08T18:12:00.001+08:00

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

눈물이 많은 이유 -- 백지영

2010-06-28T11:14:00.000+08:00

말해주세요 이런 나의 어디가
그대 마음에 드나요
웃음보다는 눈물이 더 많아서
항상 울기만 하는데

더는 숨기지 않고 얘기 할게요..
나 눈물 많은 그 이유를

단 한 사람을 사랑해서 그 사람만을 기다려서
그대 맘을 받을 수 없어요
날 사랑하지 말아요

아주 오래 전 나를 버린 사람이
아직 가슴에 있는데

그 사람과 그대를 좁은 내 안에
한번에 담지 못 할 만큼

한 사람만을 사랑해서 그 사람만을 기다려서
그대 맘을 받을 수 없어요
날 사랑하지 말아요

미련하다고 바보같다고 차라리 날 미워해줘요
그 사람과는 그댄 다르다는 그 말은 하지 말아요

단 한사람을 사랑해서 그 사람만을 기다려서
그대 맘을 받을 수 없어요
날 사랑하지 말아요

뒤돌아서서 떠나세요 나를 두고서 멀리 가요
누군가의 뒷 모습이 익숙한
날 사랑하면 안돼요

Pasintabi kay S.

2010-06-20T23:33:00.001+08:00

Friendship? find new friends!

Love life? try to love more and more!

Acads? study and play hard!

Physically? inom ng cobra

You're trying to be so perfect with everything - but i think it's just fine to have some imperfections here and there

And people totally love you for being that

And there are also people who hate you for being like that

But who cares?

No one's perfect!

"I don't know what to say.."

2010-06-20T23:07:00.002+08:00

Is there something wrong with the way I speak?
Is there something wrong with the words I say?
Is there something wrong with how I argue?

Is there something wrong with how I explain?

Is there something wrong with how I express?

Is there something wrong with how I feel?

Is there something wrong with how I express what I feel?

I got three same replies from three different important persons in my life in three different times and situation.

So now, maybe there is a need to assess...

Is there something wrong with me?

I don't know what to say..

:'(

I miss you.

2010-06-11T10:28:00.000+08:00

photo grabbed from idareyoutoclickthis.tumblr.com

Unlonely

2010-06-05T17:25:00.004+08:00

Kat Nabor is feeling tired. down. stressed out. depressed. frustrated. disillusioned. delusional. angry. tired. stressed out. tired. sad. :|

2010-06-02T19:16:00.033+08:00

"우리..이제 그만하자.."

Today's been a pretty long day for me. Having almost 4 hour's worth of pseudosleep, I woke up at around 6:30am for the enrollment. CRS (Computerized Registration System) loves me so much that I only got 2 subjects during the online enlistment. I still have to manually enlist the other 3--meaning, I have to line up for ages to get a one-in-a-million slot. Walking around the campus enduring heat, sweat, body smell, thirst, hunger, irritation and line breakers.

Last night, I drank a venti green tea frappe. My doctor advised me to stay away from anything with caffeine. But I was really tempted to have a cup of that green tea frappe. Besides, it's kind of a reward to myself. For surviving summer classes. Also, I am still keeping my "No Coffee Until July" promise up. I am. But I didn't know that the green tea frappe will have an effect on me. It took me a longer to sleep last night. I woke up at dawn; my senses were fully awake and my head's really aching. Damn that baobaobao drink. But I still love you, my green tea frappe.

And so I thought I'm going to pass out today. My head was super painful, my body was light, my eyes were heavy. Luckily, I was able to survive this day even though I forgot to take my meds. :|

The tiring and frustrating enlistment made my mood heavier. Thanks to my friends, I was still able to keep my sanity. After lunch, I went to the Linguistics Department to enlist for Korean 12-13. I was lucky to get it, since there were still 12 slots left. But damn as I looked at my Form5a, it was in conflict with my Econ 100.1 subject, which is required in our curriculum, and which I happened to get after waiting on the line for 3 hours. So I had to cancel my Korean 12-13. That was the start of me feeling super down. :( It was really frustrating. I hate that feeling. :(

Jenn, Mahgie and I went to CS to look for MST GEs afterwards. No more MS1. No more Geol 1. Super long line for Physics 1o and NatSci. Gaaahd, it was really frustrating! :| We just decided to continue MST hunting tomorrow. 7am meeting time at MSI. So freakin early. ㅠㅠ

I returned to the Department of Sociology to look for my adviser. Luckily, she was already there. I asked her to enlist me to Socio 179--a major class that CRS didn't even give to me. And while I was waiting for my adviser, I had a nice talk with my batchmate. I've known her for almost 3 years now. But we really never had a chance to talk a lot and to be close to each other. We talked about work, our life stresses and experiences, sociology, psychology, alienating and exploitative capitalist world, everything. I was able to share with her the recent big happenings in my life, and she was also able to open up herself to me. It was partly a stressful and a rewarding experience. It was stressful since all we talked about were about life stresses, exploitation, abuse, and alienation. But it was rewarding since she trusted me enough to open up those things to me. It is also quite relieving to know that someone is also experiencing something similar to what you experience. Shared experience. Belongingness. Comfort. So I am really thankful to her. :)

But sadly, I am still bothered with the harshness of the realities of this life. :( I don't know if I can still hold a grasp. I don't know if I will be able to keep my sanity. I don't know how I would survive in this dangerous world. Admittedly, I am still detached from my current reality. There is still a reality somewhere over there that my heart desires to have. But that reality is not that easy to achieve. It is even sometimes blurry to achieve. :s

And this dangerous life, this dangerous world is scaring me. I am happy that I am a sociology major, and that I get to learn about the realities of this life. But sometimes, it is also hard to know all these information and theories. They will just bother you every now and then. :|

*********

I am longing for someone. That someone that I hope to meet soon. Everyday of my life I am thinking about that person. I wonder if that person always thinks about me too. I wonder if that person misses me the way that I miss that person too. Sometimes we just have to admit that not everything has a compromise.

And also, I want to properly talk with someone. I want to properly end things. I have many things on my mind. I have many things to say. I have many questions to ask. I have many points to clarify and point out. Yes, I may sound desperate, but trust me, I am just trying to be mature. And I want to fix things. Put things the way that they should be.

*********

I feel tired right now. I feel stressed out. I feel sad. I want to escape. I want to escape from my acads, my work, my problems, this alienating world, this exploitative world. I want to escape and be with that sole person that I long to be with.

How I Plan to Spend my Life with You ♥

2010-05-31T15:44:00.001+08:00

*photo grabbed from Kritin :)

Summer love ♥

2010-05-27T23:25:00.025+08:00

Summer's nearly coming to its end and yet until now, I still wasn't able to go experience the beach. But of course it doesn't mean that I didn't have a pretty enjoyable summer; in fact, I think I am having a great one. ^^

As far as my health is concerned, I am very happy and thankful to God and to everyone else around me that I think my body's recovering back to its normal state. Yes, I didn't have panic attacks so far. I also haven't experienced daily headaches or migraines or whatever. My visits to my psychiatrist were just shortened from weekly into only once a month. I can quite extend my sleeping time up to 1 am (latest, since I am stubborn and all). I can also go to places I needed to go to alone. And I am not having super paranoia anymore, especially about death, accidents and calamities. So to that, I am really really thankful. :)

I already finished my summer classes last week. I really had a blast on those two classes. I learned a lot, I had fun, I met and befriended a lot of new people. This summer's the best semester for me so far. :) I am definitely missing Psych 195 and PI 100, my profs and my classmates.

I am also being quite active in my org, UP SAPUL, and I am really getting along well with the new members. :) I hope our plans and vision for the coming school year would all materialize. Go SAPUL! Haha.

I've also been socially active this summer. Haha. Reuniting with old friends, hanging out, having fun, and sharing each and everyone's lives. Gaahd, it keeps me sane! Yay for the videoke, dinner, coffee chats (even though I am not drinking coffee due to health reasons), malling, pseudophotoshoots, and everything else that I did with my friends.

I also succeeded to get a job. Although I think it's still 50-50 until now. Haha. :P I just hope I would really get it. :P

I've also been very addicted to Farmville. It's the new fad in the family. Me, my mother, and my younger brother. Anyway, my father's got his Facebook account as well. Haha. One time I saw my mother left a note to my brother before leaving for the market, "Nak nasa palengke ako. Marami kang maaadopt sa Farmville ko, Mama." [I am at the market. You can get a lot of bonuses from my Farmville, Mama.] HAHAHAHA. I really laughed when I saw this note. :)) And my father's speaking "Hagardo Versoza" and "I know, right?" lately. Gay lingo, anyone? Haha. He would always imitate my speaking style. My family is indeed a crazy and happy one. ;)

As this summer ends, I am still hoping to go to the beach. On Saturday, I will be visiting a friend for Santa Cruzan. I know that would be interesting. ;) I hope I could visit the beach too. T_T Hahaha.

Still, CRS doesn't love me that much that it only gave me 6 units of subjects after the first round. I wasn't even able to enlist a major class! How selfish could that be! But anyway, yay to 21 units to completing my BA Sociology! I just hope I wouldn't get more delayed. :)) 178, 179, 188, 200, anyone? :P I will survive! I must must must survive!

Rainy season is approaching but still we are suffering from the very hot weather. T_T I am surviving, though. Besides, I am still a little afraid of the rain. T_T But at least this summer, I get to enjoy halo-halo. I ate halo-halo for more than 20 times. Mwahahaha. That's a record-breaker for me. :P And I even got to bike again. Thanks, bro! And even more, I got to bike from our house to the dike. T'was my first time to bike outside our area. My first time to drive along with jeepneys, trikes, cars, etc. How cool is that? Haha. Loser much. :P

Anyway, summer is almost ending but I am not super sad because of that. I thank summer for coming along and letting me get a taste of it. But summer ending is a clear manifestation that time is moving forward. And as it moves forward I am getting more excited. I am looking forward to you, dear July. I hope we could meet really really soon. ♥

We must say goodbye..

2010-05-09T00:32:00.005+08:00

Because I can't get over watching "Il Mare" (시월애) again and again..

Happy Birthday my Dearest! :)

2010-05-05T17:02:00.004+08:00

The adventure starts here. You may not be my first foreign and Korean friend, but you are my second and one of my very beloved. When I went to Korea, I didn't know anyone yet except my Filipino friends who went with me there. So I was really hoping that we will be each other's roommates. But of course that didn't happen. Our roommates are Koreans, of course. ^^ At that time, I was really hoping that I could get along with my roommate easily, and that she would like me. I arrived in room 403-C, and it was empty. I was happy to find that out. Because I want to be alone first so that I could comfortably unpack my luggage and not disturb anyone.

Second day. No roommate for me yet. My Filipino friends were excitedly sharing stories about their roommates. Selah, being the "individualistic" (haha, I love you, Selah) already went out with her roommate for shopping and she already went to her roommate's house. I was thinking, I hope I could have a roommate like Selah's. I really hoped that I could get along with her very well. On that second day, we went to Byeong Cheon market and to Independence Hall, and if I'm not mistaken, when I went back to my room, I finally have my roommate! ^^

Da Young is three years older than me. But our age difference is not a hindrance to our friendship. :) In Korea, age is a big deal. Someone who's just a year older than you is not considered your friend, but your senior. Anyway, Da Young speaks English very well too, so I didn't have any difficulty conversing with her. :)

She is a sweet and warm person. She would always make me feel that I am special and remembered. :) She would always give something to me--food, cosmetics, etc. Especially when she comes back from her hometown, she would always make sure that she brings something for me. ^^ Thank you so much for them ^^

She is a very studious and industrious person. Da Young would sleep at 12 or 1 am (that's the latest) and would always wake up at around 6 or 7am. I can't do that! :)) I always wake up alone in our room because my usual waking up time is around 2pm. Hahahaha. She's got a lot of discipline and self control. ^^ In our room, what she's just always doing is study, study, study. But that doesn't mean that she doesn't have any social life. Of course, she got her bestfriends like Ji-Won, and the other friendly girl. Waah, sorry I forgot her name! ㅠㅠ And she's been steady with her boyfriend Ji-Hun씨 for I think 4 years now ^^ (even though Da Young went to the US for a year, and Ji-Hun씨 stayed in the Philippines for 4 months).

Da Young is a very clean girl. And I am a very messy girl. Haha. Her side of the room is always organized. And her things are always in their proper places. I am always apologetic to her because my side is always messy and sometimes dirty. Hahaha. But she never ever complained to me. Ever. She would even say, "No, I'm also a dirty girl." Hahaha. And she is not selfish about her own things. She would always allow me to use her things anytime, and she would always say, "You can use everything. You don't have to ask permission from me." Hehe. But of course, I would always ask permission from her first. Hehehe.

Da Young is a very considerate person. She considers me a lot by not only because I am a foreigner (who's not always used to everything in their environment) but that doesn't stop her from making me feel at home. She would always explain to me things and is always there when I need any help from her. She is a warm and welcoming person. And I know that it also comes to her family. I first met her mom when she moved out of IH during the summer vacation. Her mom is also a very warm and kind person. Like Da Young, she would always bring something for me when she visits Da Young, and she would always tell Da Young to bring something for me. Hahaha. 고맙습니다 어머님 ^^ And I also met her younger sister, Da Eun; and then eventually their whole family when I went to their house ^^

Da Young is more of the silent type. But we never fail to talk with each other and share stories everyday. I was even surprised when I found out that we have the same attitude when it comes to things we dislike. Hahaha. We also share gossips especially about people, things, and instances that we hate. Hahaha. We love talking about that! And she is also of strong personality. I remember when she talked with the potato girl who's always in our wing. Hahaha. Da Young아, do you remember that? Hahahahahahahaha. :))

Anyway, what is the point of this post? 그냥. Hahahaha. Kidding. I just want to greet you, my dearest roommate a Happy Happy Happy Birthday! Yey! You're already 24 now! 26 in Korean age. ㅎㅎ 할머니야~!! ㅋㅋㅋㅋ Sorry I wasn't able to send you anything on this special day of yours. But I want you to know that you are always remembered. ^^

I hope you had a great day today. ^^ I miss you so much! Like what I said in my letter, I always think of you especially when I brush my teeth. Hahahahahaha :))

It has been more than a year since we first met and it has been a year since we celebrated your birthday. But I feel like it was just sometime yesterday. Thank you for all the kindness that you showed me! I know we will meet again. 맞다? 맞다? ㅋㅋ 나 한국에서 다시 올거야~ 우리 다시 만나자~ 너도 필리핀 와요~ ㅎㅎㅎ

생일축하해 다영아~!! 사랑해~~ ^^

Remember when you were a year younger.. ㅎㅎㅎ

You can find more of these pictures here: http://katnabor.multiply.com/photos/album/98/Happy_Birthday_Roommate_Da_Young_#

Happy Happy Birthday Da Young!!!! ^^

On Student Fare Discount and Rationalization

2010-05-05T15:22:00.011+08:00

Going to UP this morning, I rode a jeepney from LRT-Santolan to Katipunan. The fare costs 7Php. I'm not actually used to availing of the student discount (20%) when I ride public transportations. But at that moment, I thought hardly to myself, "I'm already 4th year college. After I graduate, I will lose the "privileges" of being labeled as a student." So I took 6Php out of my wallet and gave it to the jeepney driver. And then he asked me, "San to?" [Where are you heading to?] I answered back, "Katipunan po, estudyante." [To Katipunan, student.] And then Manong driver said, "Estudyante? Mayo na." [Student? It's already May] (Since regular classes end in around March to April. Pissed off, I told him that I'm attending summer classes. But still, I gave him one more peso. The whole ride from LRT to Katipunan seemed longer. Bad trip. I was really pissed off. Why of all the circumstances.. I even debated with myself whether to say "estudyante po". Maybe the last time I rode a jeep and said that was months ago. I was tempted to argue with the driver but I just kept myself quiet. When I got off the jeep, thoughts about that instance were still running on my head. Yes, it is very hard to earn money nowadays, and a peso means a lot. But I am also not rich that even a centavo really matters to me. Why didn't I show him my ID and Form 5 to prove to him that I'm really enrolled? A student is always a student even though it's vacation time. Same as a senior citizen is a senior citizen all the time. It's not seasonal. I just stop carrying the label "student" when I finally graduate.

Thankfully, my emotions became stable on my way from Katipunan to UP. Then I just started rationalizing my experience. Manong driver is just alienated. Yes, I am alienated too, but compared to him, I am aware of my alienation. I learned about the root cause of his situation and even the explanation about his behavior. In this society, we are trained to be individualistic and just care for our own selves. This is a manifestation of a neoliberal thinking that we experience with the government abandoning social support and services to it's country. So Manong driver is just one of the billions of Filipinos who can have such behavior because they know that above all things, they have to keep themselves alive. That is basic survival. I really wanted to nag on him, badly. Bad trip kasi talaga. But then I just thought, I am studying these things at the university so if I still chose to have an argument with him, I would just appear pathetic because I am supposed to understand and explain his situation more. Not that I am tolerating what he did (not obeying the fare discount law), but for now, I will let manong driver pass.

Goodnight Goodnight

2010-05-01T17:43:00.001+08:00

You left me hanging from a thread we once swung from together
I’ve lick my wounds but I can’t ever see them getting better
Something’s gotta change
Things cannot stay the same

Her hair was pressed against her face, her eyes were red with anger
Enraged by things unsaid and empty beds and bad behavior
Something’s gotta change
It must be rearranged, oh

I’m sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of the heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah
Whoa

The room was silent as we all tried so hard to remember
The way it feels to be alive
The day that he first met her
Something’s gotta change
Things cannot stay the same

You make me think of someone wonderful, but I can’t place her

I wake up every morning wishing one more time to face her
Something’s gotta change
It must be rearranged, oh

I’m sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right

So much to love
So much to learn
But I won’t be there to teach you, oh
I know I can be close
But I try my best to reach you

I’m so sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah
Whoa, oh…
Yeah

Summer is Heeeeere!!!! :D

2010-04-06T15:45:00.015+08:00

My first watermelon this summer. Still, nothing beats the uber sweetness of Korean watermelons. Me want that. Now.

Ajing.

Halo-Halo is LOOOOOVE~!! <3

Dahil mainet ngayong summer ;)

I will go to UP tomorrow since the enrollment for Summer Class will start tomorrow until next Monday. I hope I can get PI or an MST. But I definitely need a PI. So please, Lord. T____T And sana I could commute alone. Panic attacks, anyone? I can do eeeet! I will just think of meeting my friends. :) And also tomorrow, after the enrollment, we are going to watch "Babe I Love You". High school girls bonding, anyone? :D And lastlyyyyyy, hindi ko pa tapos yung ginagawa kong project. Waaaah. T_T

Excited to see my friends especially KEMM :D Ohyeas. :D Selah, uwi ka na! Guys, let's prerog altogether! Mwahahahahaha~~

And lastly, congratulations to my dearest Bea for passing Chem 31! Haha. Sabi ko sa'yo eh, papasa ka! Uyyy, graduating na sya! Tan-tan.. Tanananananan.. Tananananananan.. Hehehe. Nagets mo? Love you! ^^

I wanna beach.
I wanna beach.
I wanna beaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaach.
But sometimes I am a bitch.
Lols.
Random.
T_T
Start doing your project na, dear Kat!

Owen, I miss you!

영두, 보고 싶다~! 너무.

Okay, random.

Panahon na ng Pagbabago!

2010-04-04T22:31:00.005+08:00

Liza Maza and Satur Ocampo for Senators^^
Jojo Binay for Vice President!

Bumoto sa May 10, 2010 Elections!
Every vote counts.
Towards a better future and a better Philippine society!

:)

2010-03-21T18:23:00.001+08:00

Have yourself a merry little Christmas :)

2010-03-15T22:12:00.067+08:00

I was browsing my folders on my desktop and got curious about the folder named "blog". It has been there since December 10. It contains pictures of our Everland Trip last October 2009. The trip that I thought I wouldn't enjoy since I am afraid of rides. Thank goodness to the other attractions it has, it really made me feel that I went back to my childhood. Well, I am still indeed young at heart! ❤ Elaida, I still owe you on this one. :P

Wagon wheels.

Viking.

After Viking. Seong Jin. Mark. Young Doo. Geunn Seok. Elai. Mahgie.

To the roller coaster ride. Seong Jin. Mark. Mahgie. Geun Seok. Elai. Young Doo.

Roommates. Young Doo. Geun Seok.

After the roller coaster ride. Seong Jin. Mark. Elai. Mahgie.

I can already feel Christmas even though it was still October during this time! ^^

Pseudo-snow. Hello winter. :)

Lovely~ I feel like I'm in Disneyland. :P

Mark and Geunn Seok with kuya dancer :)

The cute and friendly girl on the Christmas parade. I wonder what her nationality is..

Christmas Balls. Found 'em on a big Christmas tree. Hehe. I took this shot to appear creative kuno. :P

Krispy Kremes courtesy of Elai. ^^ We bought one dozen and got another dozen for free! How lucky is that? ^^ Maybe because we bought too early in the morning. :P

Going to Everland on a tight budget? No problem! Kimbaps are only W1000 (40Php) per roll! ^^

Lunch time. We went to a "not-so-public" place for our lunch. ;)

Ferris wheel photos are love. ❤ I hope I could ride on them too. ^^

Anyway.. Yesterday, I opted to have a haircut... for a new look. But I need to have hair rebond so that my hair will not look all this messy. ㅠㅠ But anyway.. I look so nene and haggard at the same time! :))

What makes me happy..

2010-02-17T21:13:00.031+08:00

Being an ultimate bum, it's such a good thing that ~~pirated~~ DVDs of Korean dramas exist here on earth. Being not so updated (well besides knowing My Fair Lady and Queen Seon Deok 선덕여왕 [고맙습니다 영두야]), Mel told me that the drama 미남이시네요/You're Beautiful is a good one. So I was able to buy a copy last Saturday. It's been a long time since I watched a full drama series. The last might be Coffee Prince? I'm not so sure. College life takes away your DVD marathon times. So I am happy now that at least I am able to watch one.

Korean dramas make me happy. They really do. It was through Korean dramas that my dream of going to Korea started. I think the first Korean drama in the Philippines is Song Hye Gyo's Endless Love: Autumn in my Heart 가을동화. But I really became hooked with Full House, also starred by Song Hye Gyo. At first, I wanted to go to Korea because I want to see the filming sites of these dramas. But later on, I just wanted to go to Korea for no 'ultra deep' reason. Just my deep desire to visit and experience that country. We can simply say, I fell in love with Korea. Deeply. Maybe I should also say thanks to the Hallyu 한류 or the Korean wave. :)

All my life, the only lucid dream that I had was going to Korea. And I am very glad that it did came true. Thanks to Ma'am Marcia and to the exchange student program of the UP OEC. So I was in Korea from Feb 2009-Jan 2010. The experience was superb. Not only was I able to go to some drama sites, but I also met a lot of friends, learned and experienced a lot of things, and fell in love with Korea more. I feel like Korea is my second home. A place where I plan to live in the near future. Hopefully.

Last Monday, Feb 15, it has already been a month since I arrived from Korea. As I mentioned in my previous posts, the sudden transition was really hard for me. But after weeks of pensive thinking, I was quite able to move on and start anew. And after that Korea experience, I could say that I had somehow quite devised a plan for my future. Before, my future was really blank. I really don't know what to do and where to go after graduation. Yes, I will definitely have to work. But as to specific plans, I really had nothing.

Yes, I might have been to some soul searching, as someone ~~accidentally~~ "theorized" about my situation. Yes, during the first few weeks I was really in the state that I cannot yet accept the fact that I am back; that I already have to face the "real reality". The first two weeks were really the hardest for me. I was floating, confused, stressed out, depressed, sad, longing, problematic. I was problematic about the past, present, and future. But due to an immature decision someone jumped into, maybe I was able to "sort things out".

I am happier with my life now. Much more happier. Oha. But I don't regret anything that I did in the past. Whether it be about my acads, my work, my time, my friends, family, love, and life--I don't regret any. I don't regret all the tears that I've cried. As through them I know I became a better person--stronger and more mature. It's just sometimes quite unfortunate that we have to learn things the hard way. ;) But wait, that's where learning really comes, right? :) I don't regret every single decision that I made. I hope. I also had some misdoings in the past, but who doesn't make any mistake? We're humans, right? But as I told one of my friends, Dale, I may have made mistakes, but I am not pathetic and immature enough to avoid a confrontation. Only losers escape. Only insecure people avoid confrontations. Only childish people are selfish. Only narrow minded people don't understand the bigger picture. I hope I will be able to avoid any of those attitudes. And the most important thing is standing up again after that big fall.

So I should shine and make a new start. Be more positive about life. There are a lot of surprises waiting to be discovered. There are a lot of things that will make me happy. It's just a matter of perspective. [Pragmatism, anyone? Pardon me this time, sociology] :)

Happiness can be found even from the smallest things around us.

Last Saturday, the most awaited Kat-Bea day finally came! :) I was really happy to spend time with my bestest friend ever, Bea. We went to Intramuros. Finally! But we were quite disappointed because we were not able to explore the totality of the place. :( But hey, we were still able to cam-whore! :) Then, the coffee and our warm conversation is the real highlight of our date. Oh, I really missed that bonding of ours! :D Thank you ever Bea, despite your hectic sched. Poster, anyone? Hehe. And thank you for taking care of me during that "dying" moment of mine. :))

Bea's cute color pencils :)

engk.

Bea, in an attempt to be a model ;) *wink*

a cathedral in Intra. i forgot the name. hihi.

an old building ;)

Chinatown bridge

Sunday night, I was able to eat tikoy (Chinese new year pudding) after a long time. I can really feel the Lunar New Year, more than the Valentines' Day. Haha. This feeling is weird for me. I have never been particular about the lunar new year, ever. :)) I feel like this is a big holiday for me :)) And then at night, my elementary friends gave me a surprise visit. So we had a spontaneous Valentines' Day date. Thanks, Allenn! :) I really feel thankful to my elementary friends because after all these times, they are still there. We are still friends. The bond is amazing. :)

Photo opt with Bong Revilla ^^ Hehe.

at the park. stolen balloons from Camalig resto's Vday decorations. haha.

My Monday was devoted into talking with someone special to me. :) Even though we always talk everyday, about really nothing in particular, I still always find happiness talking with that person. :) I could just practically spend my whole time taking with that person. But what a bummer I had to sleep at least around 12am or my body would give up. ㅠㅠ

I went to the doctor on Tuesday and Wednesday to find out that I got urinary tract infection (UTI), a bacterial infection in the urinary tract. I suspect it has something to do with me eating lots of sweet and salty food. And not really being a fan of drinking lots of water. But I am still quite worried about my health. I always have had headache for the past few weeks. I suspected I am low blood. But the doctor told me that maybe I'm just stressed out. So she advised me to have a stress detection ECG something, where I have to be running in the treadmill while having the ECG. Anyway, I plan to do that sometime in the future. Hmm. For now, I just have to monitor my sleep. I should get at least 8 hours a day. I the doctor also advised me to drink 2-3 liters of water a day. How can I possibly do that? @_@ Maximum water intake for me is 3 glasses per day. Argh.

Anyway, it was Ash Wednesday but I was not able to have ash on my forehead. I forgot about it during the latter part of the day. It was already 8pm when I remembered it. ㅠㅠ

For now, these are some of the things that make me happy. And I am trying and I am actually being positive about my future. It's still difficult, but at least I have to have the positive attitude about it.

Watching Korean dramas really make me feel happy. And I am feeling the happiness-sadness-kilig-anger--ah, basta mixed emotions that only Koreanovelas could give! :D Two days ago, I was angry at UEE's 유이 (of After School) character. Today I was touched and sad about the mishaps of Shin Woo 신우 (정영화). Anyway, 미남이시네요 is about a girl (Go Mi Nyu) who disguised as a guy to cover up for her brother (Go Mi Nam) as a band member. She falls in love with Hwang Tae Kyung (장근석), who is the leader of the band. But Shin Woo, another member of A.N.JELL band, also knows her real identity, and secretly loves her. Tonight, I was able to watch until the middle of episode 6. And the scene with Min Nyu and Shi Woo made me teary eyed. Aww. Love. ♥

Anyway, Korean dramas give me a positive feeling about my future. Haha. It intensifies my desire of going back to Korea again! I must work hard for that future, ayt? :) But for now, I have to sleep because it's already 1am. Ahh, when will the video finish uploading?? ㅠㅠ

Because I'm trying to be productive.

2010-02-11T22:03:00.003+08:00

I did a lot of things today. No. Not really. I woke up receiving four text messages. You know I love text messages. Just now. They make me feel assured that I am still connected to the outside world. I ate breakfast, then I decided to clear out my closet.

The post-Ondoy effect. I just took out my clothes from the "baul" today. Since our house was 95% submerged to flood during Ondoy, all of my clothes that survived were just placed in a big box. ㅠㅠ I also unpacked my box of clothes from Korea. Tomorrow morning, I have to do some laundry. ㅠㅠ That means waking up extra early so that my clothes will meet Mr. Sun.

I am always distracted. I cannot get things done right away. It's because I'm lazy and a big procrastinator. I suddenly felt tired while arranging my clothes so I went online and used the computer for around 2 hours before I continued with the chore. I took a bath; and then finally, after a year, I was able to do some pedicure. Oha.

The art thing that I am doing isn't progressing again. Please, March 21, wait for me. :|

And here I am back to the TV-internet-eating life. At least I consider this day quite productive. Plus plus plus! I get to have this blog post done. :)

10 pm and it's still very early. More bumming yet to be done. :)

oh the haggardness of cleaning *kuno*

mess. ganyan ako kakalat mag-ayos.

art work, anyone? :)

wait lang ha, march 21 ;)

hello, abnormal nails! ;)

A Bum's Life

2010-02-10T23:40:00.003+08:00

It's been almost a month now since I went back home. And all I ever did was to bum around. Classes start in April. I still have one month left to enjoy this life. My daily routine includes sleep-wake up-watch tv/internet-eat-internet-internet-internet-eat-sleep. This has been way too long for a break! I wanted to go outside. But going outside also means cashing out a lot.

I've been a fan of tagged notes on Facebook. Asking you senseless questions that you would really love to answer since you have the luxury of time to do so. My MouseHunt account has been revived. And now I am trying to revive this left behind blog, even though I have nothing sensible to say. Really. Arirang TV is one of my favorites. I was able to watch old Filipino movies in Cinema One. I was able to watch Hiraya Manawari. My daily TV life also includes Cartoon Network, Disney Channel, Playhouse Disney, Animal Planet, and Myx. I just hope our cable wouldn't be disconnected yet since we didn't pay for three months already because of some payment issues. Define cable payment system.

Since I arrived, I had only been to UP/the Metro thrice. I told myself I wasn't ready to face old faces yet. I dunno. I'm still in the state of a transition period. It seems like everything just happened really fast and I feel like I wanted to have a break to fully familiarize and adjust myself to the change. Okay, call me emo or whatever. But I also realized that overcoming that "self exile mode" and I'm-not-yet-ready-to-face-people-yet mode is for you to actually go out and face it. Gets? I sound so sabaw. Define sensible.

Anyway, I just wanted to post something on my blog. Even though it is not something very special or something that is worth reading.

But there's also one good thing that being a bum could give you: time to think about your future. I am getting old. ㅠㅠ Really. The future really scares me a lot. Until last month, I didn't actually have a concrete plan about what I would do in the future. But thanks to the bumming days that I have, I had quite some time to think about it. So the next step now is to make that plan come true. Hahaha.

I am looking forward to Saturday. Bea and I will be going to Intramuros (for the first time!) Camwhoring and BFF bonding has never been this good! :)

Like Being Hit by a Bullet 2

2010-02-10T00:32:00.005+08:00

This is the last time that I will cry for you. And because of you.총 맞은 것처럼.

Is still keeping the silence.

2010-01-28T22:44:00.002+08:00

Distracted.

2009-12-16T00:51:00.002+08:00

“ Sometimes, thinking of someone you love is the most delightful way of wasting time. ”

-idareyoutoclickthis.tumblr.com

Well done :)

2009-12-06T17:25:00.004+08:00

Because being positive would keep me sane. I should be I should be I should be positive.

Well done- by Passion
Sometimes I dont understand
Why I thought that I had
All the time in the world
To go and see you awhile
For just a little while.

Too caught up in my own life
I didn't see the pain you hid with a smile
And now you're not here with me
Shoulda been, coulda been, woulda been, alright

Wish I knew how to turn back the hands of time
Cus maybe then I'd be here by your side
Wish that I had done just a little more
Wish that I could see you one more time
But I know that God holds your life
Your battle is finally won and he said well done
My faithful servent well done

Too many times in our lives
do we take things for granted
I dont understand it, no
When its right in front of our eyes
Thinking they would be here for all times

Wish I knew how to turn back the hands of time
Cus maybe then you'd be here by my side
Wish that I had done just a little more
Wish that I could see you one more time
But I know that God holds your life
Your battle is finally won

Wish that I had done just a little more
Wish that I could see you one more time
But I know that god holds your life
Your battle is finally won
Wish I knew how to turn back the hands of time
Cus maybe then I'd be here by your side

Wish that I had done just a little more for you
Wish that I could see you one more time
But I know that God holds your life
Your battle is finally won
And God said well done

On Abracadabra and momentay fleeting experience

2009-11-28T00:42:00.025+08:00

2 am and I should be sleeping already. I have to wake up at least an hour before 8am later. I'm going to dreamland. Elai, Mahgie, Mark, Doo, Seong Jin, and Yang convinced me to go with them to Everland today (since it's Saturday na ngayon). Doo and Yang planned the trip. I really didn't want to go. I'm not really fascinated with rides. They make me sick. The first and last time that I rode a roller coaster was during a field trip to Enchanted Kingdom. I tried Anchors Away and Space Shuttle and Jungle Log Jump at isinusumpa ko, I'm never gonna try those kinds of rides again! >.< I remember we went to Star City. My friends rode the Viking. I was firm on my stand that I AM NEVER GONNA RIDE those kinds of stuff. So I rode the children's caterpillar thingy ride. ALONE. Define major loser diba?! Haha. Okay, I know I made you laugh. But I don't really like the you're-on-the-verge-of-dying-experience-and-yet-other-people-are-raising-their-hands-up-in-the-air-shouting-and-having-fun moment. I'd rather sit on a bench and watch people's hilarious expressions while they're on the ride. Loser kung loser. Pero I went naman to all the three haunted houses in Star City. Takot din ako sa multo at sa mga nakakagulat at unexpected na pangyayari (ie. may babagsak na bungo sa harap mo, may white lady na lilipad sa uluhan mo) pero kinaya ko namang i-experience ang mga haunted houses na yun. Hehehe.

So that's the story on why I don't really want to go to theme parks. Especially sa Pinas na ang theme parks ay mostly consisted of (deadly) rides lang. If you're not a fan of those heart-stopping and intestine shaking rides (Star City's magic carpet, anyone?), you would not really make the most out of it. Sayang lang ang pera. :-s Napagod ka pa. :|

But anyway, I want to experience one of Korea's theme parks din naman. They have Lotte World and Everland--we're going to the latter. My Korean friends convinced me that there are other things to enjoy in Everland except the rides. It got South Korea's largest zoo. And when I searched for Everland pictures on the internet, mukhang I would enjoy naman. Feeling Disneyland. Hehe. While they're busy with their deadly rides, I will keep myself busy taking pictures. I wish I had an SLR though. :( And yeah, that's also one of the reasons why I don't wanna go. i'm saving up to buy an SLR. :| Gaad. I will spend W100,000 max tomorrow. *lupasay* I am hoping to buy an SLR na next week. =-s I'll buy second hand though. I can't afford a brand new! $_$

Anywaaaay. I found this blog with awesome Everland pictures. Gaaad, I need SLR! :((

***

Moving on. I've really been busy for the past few days. Work. Acads. Work. Acads. We have an upcoming production next Thursday for our English Theater class. This week, we've been practicing everyday from 12am-2am, since my work at the dorm finishes at 12am everyday (except Fridays). Our group's doing Modern Cinderella and the other group's doing Beauty is the Beast. I am one of the evil stepsisters. Sabi na eh, maldita talaga ako. Mwahahahaha :)) I am uber excited (weh). Though I feel na kulang pa kami sa time para magprep. :| But ohwell, we'll just enjoy the whole thing nalang. Especially the performance. That's the point of it naman daw, according to our professor. :P

And then, I have other gazillion things to do pa.

: report for Korean class (meeting on Monday, report on Thurs)
: exam in Korean two weeks from now
: report for Korean society (Wed)
: final paper for Korean society (final due 2 weeks from now)
: English play prod (Thurs, 7pm)
: Photography class exam (due 2 weeks from now)
: Photog class portfolio (due 2 weeks from now)
: AVP na age old nang pinapagawa sakin
: another AVP for our IH commercials class
: another AVP for our KEMM perf
: KK due on Tues!

What else? well, I really love making alist of the things that I need to accomplish. Nakakapressure tingnan. But the fun part comes when you are writing a strikethrough over a task. Odaba. *wink*wink* I should stop procrastinating. :-s

I have other other things to do pa. Like plans, whatever, problems to solve, whatever. I can do thisss! We can do thisss!!

And lastly, on Abracadabra, last night, for a dance number in our play, we have to learn Brown Eyed Girl's Abracadabra dance. May gulay, ang sakit nang lower torso ko! T_T I AM NEVER A DANCER. :|
As far as I can remember, my first dancing career was when I was in nursery. We did folk dance. Uso sayawin sa mga presentations ang ganun! :)) Mga field day, ganyan.. I was wearing an orange pang-"manang" na dress with a sombrero. A big picture of me on that event is posted on my cabinet. Hindi ko nga lang alam kung nandun pa yun since our house was 99.9% submerged sa baha during Ondoy. :(( Then my second dancing career was when I was in kindergarten. We danced My Boy Lollipop. Hahaha. Checkered red super balloon at super ikling palda, at top na kita ang katawan mo kasi para lang syang ipinapatong sa kimono na tinatali lang ng isang ribbon sa magkabilang side. So pag naka-side view ka, kita ang kaluluwa mo. May gad. I didn't even realized that I was being 'oppressed' at a very young age! Mwahahahha. We had big glittering lollies of different shapes (heart, circle, triangle, etc) made out of styro. I had a pink heart at that time and I was happy about it! :)) Me wanna post my picture pero wala na siguro akong baby and childhood pics dahil rin kay Ondoy. Damn you, Ondoy! :(( Though we're very lucky that my fam's safe. Anywaaay. The next dancing career (well except for compulsory dances on school's field demos) was when I was in grade 6 when we danced 'Angelina' and at that moment, it was confirmed: the dance floor's not my thing. Mwahahaha. Epic fail. T_T

So back to the Abracadabra. My gad, I can't learn it! :(( Sumakit talaga ang balakang at binti ko kaka-bend. Sobrang tigas ng katawan ko, para akong poste! :| I can't coordinate my body. There's a part that when we turn around, we have to turn our head around simultaneously. Deym, I can never do it! :(( *lupasay* Define public humiliation. :| Panira ako sa group namin. :(( But I must learn it! I must! I must! I must! Or perhaps, make it simple? I'll not turn my head nalang as I turn around. Hehe. Okay, okay. :|

Time check: 3:20 am. I still have around 3.5 hours to sleep. Sabog ako nito bukas paniyak. Considering that I just had 5 hours ad 30mins sleeping time last night. At only a few hours of sleep for the previous nights. I must sleep or I may not be able to make it to Evarland later. Too much blabbing I did tonight.

And oh yes, some things are just a momentary fleeting experience.. Oh well well..

2009-11-23T01:44:00.001+08:00

"...when everything's made to be broken, i just want you to know who i am."

If you look like a bakulaw..

2009-11-13T11:22:00.005+08:00

I've never cried my heart out like this before. In my almost 20 years of existence here on earth, last night was the most difficult and painful moment of my life. I cried too much. My heart was aching. I was panting, catching up with the limited air that I get under the blanket or under the pillow. Occasionally, I press my face hard on the bed, not allowing air to enter my nose or my mouth, as if that would alleviate the pain that I am feeling. Besides, my nose was already clogged, so air was really difficult to breathe in. I was shaking, trembling. I was crying as if someone had passed away, as if someone had been physically gone here on earth that I cannot do anything about that person's return--para akong namatayan.

The experience was even harder compared to the agony that I felt when I used to have fights with Miss. I was like in a suicidal state. I went to bed at around 2:30 am. I have to wake up early the following day because I have a class at 10 am. I tried to sleep away all the pain that I've been keeping in my heart for almost nine months now. But I suddenly found myself crying and breaking down. The biggest break down of my life ever. It was really really painful that no words could capture the feeling. :(

I feel so lost and alone. I feel abandoned. I feel unwanted. I feel unloved. I've been trying all my best but the more I try, the more I appear pathetic and all. The more I feel hurt. The more I become unwanted. :(

I believe I don't deserve this. :( But I cannot do anything about it. I don't want to leave this situation either. :(

Mahgie and Elai called me on the phone to wake me up. We were also absent in the same class last week. So they urged me to come. But I feel so heavy. My body, my eyes, my head, my mind, my heart--everything. But up to this day, I must struggle.

I woke up looking like a bakulaw. :( Gahd. But I have no choice. I have to go to class. 2 effin hours of class. And then I got work from 1-6pm. :( Can I just be absent? NO. Sana magkasakit nalang ako. So that I'll have an excuse to be absent. :(

I hope I'll just get sick and wake up after two months. Maybe after that, the world will be a better place.

Like Being Hit by a Bullet

2009-11-13T01:07:00.005+08:00

Somewhere only we know

2009-11-13T00:56:00.000+08:00

So why don't we go somewhere only we know?

Tweet Tweet

2009-11-12T01:20:00.008+08:00

I have become a Twitter person lately. I really didn't plan to create a Twitter plan if not from Kim Ji Beom. He left for LOA this semester so he said that we can communicate through Twitter (besides phone calls and text messages).

I don't like Twitter. I think it's not interactive. Like you just have to post something in a limited 140-character. How could that be possible? Besides, Twitter is not that popular/widely-used in the Philippines (even in Korea!) so I don't think that it's a good idea to create an account.

So I had my Twitter account in August. But from Oct to Nov, my tweets have dramatically increased. How come?

Maybe I'm just an emo. I once tweeted, "Ang Twitter ay para sa mga taong bitter." I think that's the case for me. I usually rant about something in twitter. Well, I guess that's the function of "shout outs" per se. SO, just fair enough. So ibig sabihin, madalas lang akong bitter since October. Hahaha.

I also happen to meet a new friend virtually. :) We often exchange tweets with each other. And then I've been stumbling upon old friends who are also using Twitter. And just this week, I was able to convince myself to follow celebs, politicians, institutions, and the like. Sheet, I feel so fan girl-like. Haha. At mas malala pa dun, I even reply to their posts pa. Haha. Feeling close? Para kasing ang cheapaz at ang desperate pag ganun. Following Ruffa Gutierrez and replying to her tweets? Haha. Pero later on, I realized, fun naman pala syang gawin. Especially when you get replies from them. Like Miriam Quiambao even direct messaged me and followed me (even though it's possible na computer-generated yun, or ginagawa nya lang talaga yun sa lahat ng magfa-follow sa kanya), Pia Cayetano replied to my tweet to her about her daughter's pet chicken. :) And of course you get updates from insti's and "intellectuals" and you get pseudo-involved with these people's lives. Kasi you hear their tweets, and their conversations with other people as well. Parang ang personal lang. Kahit si PAGASA Weather, parang friend mo lang na in first person nagtwee-tweet, at kahit "personal" things, tini-tweet. Haha.

Oh globalization. Transcending boundaries--actually erasing the notion of boundary and personal space. Lahat nalang jino-join. Lahat nalang bine-bet. Wala nang ide-identity. Lahat posible. You can be anyone and anything you wanted to be. Wala nang notion nang real. Or whatever. Ito ang nakakatakot. Nilulusaw ang ating identity, beliefs, standpoints, whatever, at ginagawang ANIMO'Y katanggap-tanggap ang kahit anong bagay. Define strategic attack of capitalism. :|

Anyway, ang post na 'to ay para lang naman i-showcase ang aking tweet status sa Twitter. Hahaha. I was just really surprised na super tweet person na pala ko nang hindi ko man lang uber napapansin. :P

****
please click on the pictures to enlarge. :P

Happy 빼빼로 (Pepero Day) !

2009-11-11T18:15:00.015+08:00

11-11 (November 11) is South Korea's Pepero Day. Pepero is a kind of bread stick coated with chocolate. Pepero Day is somehow like a Valentines' day here in Korea. They got around 4 celebrations related to love though. White Day, celebrated around March: guys give candies/chocolates to girls. Black Day, celebrated in April 14: single women eat Jjajjangmyeon (black noodles), maybe to express sadness of living a single life. Haha. Valentines' Day, Feb 14 of course. And then Pepero Day. :) Couples give Pepero to each other. Friends also give Pepero to eah other, as a symbol of friendship. :)

I didn't really mind these occasions, though, since I do not have my love interest (haha!) here. Kaya kebs lang ako sa Pepero Day. (Even though my friends were exchanging Peperos and even though I received Peperos from them. :>) But when I went to the main office for work this afternoon, Mr. Lee (my 사장님 and crush, hehe) gave me one pack. Eeek. I'm soo kilig. <3>

And then tonight, I received a message from Min Uk, asking me where I was. I asked him why and he answered, "Because today is Pepero Day. Let's meet at first floor." He gave me a big box of Pepero. Just like the octagonal box of Cream-O that I always desired when I was young. :) I was really really happy. Like I am so overwhelmed because I didn't expect that someone (outside my Filipino friends) would give me Pepero today. I felt really happy that I have to blog about it. Hehe. Mababaw lang naman akong tao, really. :) Simple things can make me happy. :P It's just that it's really unexpected so it was overwhelming and I felt extra special. :) It just feels oh-so-good. Di naman obvious noh, na masaya ako? Hehe. Min Uk is Nam Woo Omma's roommate. We are not really that close but we're friends. That's why I'm really shocked when he gave me Pepero. :) Mark said he is just a really sweet guy. :) Nahiya naman tuloy ako that I wasn't able to give him Pepero. :(

I really didn't plan to give out Peperos to anyone. But anyway, I am really thankful. :) Nakakatuwa lang na maramdaman ulit yung ganitong feeling. Something unexpected. :) It's just that I felt extra special. :) I dunno.. Maybe because the last time I felt like this was around more than a year ago.. I dunno.. :|

Anyway, I had Pepero overload today. Jin Gun also gave the three of us (Jenn, Elai and I) a box of Pepero while we were at the front door doing temperature check. Nam Woo Omma also gave me a bottle of chocolate (and flash disk as a bonus!). Calorie and sugar check, anyone? But who cares?! I'm happy. I am happy that I have to blog about it. Hahahaha. :D

My Peperos :)

Hiling

2009-11-06T02:21:00.004+08:00

Minsan di ko maiwasang isipan ka
Lalo na sa t'wing nag iisa
Ano na kaya balita sayo
Naiisip mo rin kaya ako

Simula nang ikaw ay mawala
Wala nang dahilan para lumuha
Damdamin pilit ko nang tinatago
Hinahanap ka parin ng aking puso
Parang kulang nga kapag ika'y wala

(Chorus)
At ihiling sa mga bituin
Na minsan pa sana ako'y iyong mahalin
Ihiling kahit dumilim
Ang aking daan na tatahakin
Patungo...

Ala ala mong tinangay na ng hangin
Sa langit ko na lamang ba yayakapin
Nasan kana kaya, aasa ba sa wala

(Chorus)
At ihiling sa mga bituin
Na minsan pa sana ako'y iyong mahalin
Ihiling kahit dumilim
Ang aking daan na tatahakin
Patungo sa iyo, patungo sa iyo

Bridge: (bridge ba tawag d2? hehe ewan)
Ipipikit ko ang aking mata dahil
Nais ka lamang mahagkan
Nais ko lamang masilalayan
Kahit alam kong tapos na
Kahit alam kong wala ka na...

(Chorus)
At Hihiling sa mga bituin
Na minsan pa sana ako'y iyong mahalin
Hihiling kahit dumilim
Ang aking daan na tatahakin
Patungo sa iyo, patungo sa iyo

Remember: Dig.

2009-11-02T21:41:00.003+08:00

Thanks David Ryan Harris. Now I am quite inspired.

Because despite the busyness, I am yet distracted

2009-11-02T20:55:00.004+08:00

Lifehouse ~ Somewhere Only We Know (cover)

♥ Basking in the Sunligh† of the Spiri† | MySpace Video

:'(

2009-10-26T00:30:00.004+08:00

I feel so alone. Gusto ko nang umuwi. :( I feel like I'm a kid left in a place where I don't know anybody and I am just so lost. Naho-homesick ako. Shit. Uwi na ko. :( Gusto ko na umuwi. :(

Live life to the fullest

2009-10-25T13:52:00.000+08:00

Still cannot get over you..

2009-10-25T13:49:00.004+08:00

...Prinsipe Lenard :'(

Slow

2009-10-25T13:45:00.004+08:00

Found this from Pat's Tumblr. Got me more than 30 mins to figure it out. Have to ask Pat pa. Hehe. The trick: some lowkey hidden message :P You can see it more if you view this picture in the dark! :D

Procrastinating

2009-10-25T12:59:00.015+08:00

I am attempting to post at least once a day, or every other day. To keep my blog updated, at to preserve precious memories. :) But on the other hand, I am procrastinating. I still have lots of works to do.

✐ KUTie Kronicles lay outing
✐ ideas and meeting for KK's 4th issue (note to self: buzz Jan and Honey about this!)
✐ Review for tomorrow's Korean midterms exam
✐ Essay for Korean class due on Thursday
✐ White balance activity for Photography class
✐ IH Summer Program video
✐ IH Pranks video
✐ the plan. oh, i will not be on time again!

Yesterday, Maghie, Elai, and I went to Yawoori to do some shopping. We were able to buy winter jackets for a reasonable prize! ^^ We also watched District 9. It was a good movie, but I say I have lots of comments and critiques after watching it. I hope there will be a part 2! I'm not resolved if the story's not a happy ending! Haha. Enough watching fairytales, dear Kat.

I was able to go to Yawoori again, say after more than 3 months. It's really good to relax and step out of the stressful life here in KUT, haha. The bad side is, magastos nga lang. :P I was so in conspicuous consumption yesterday! T_T

Last night, I also watched 500 Days of Summer. I was just quite disappointed with the story (again, another not-so-happy-ending film). But Summer (Zooey Deschanel) is really beautiful! She somehow looks like Katy Perry for me. Hehe. I loved her character's style in the movie. Oh so vintage! :D

After watching this movie, I watched Cinderella Monogatari's episode 23 again--Ang lihim ng Prinsipe. T'was the episode where Cinderella found out that her friend, Lenard, is actually Prinsipe Lenard. This is my favorite episode! I still can't get over Cinderella Monogatari. Gaaah.

I slept earlier than usual because I only slept for 5 hours the night before. I set my alarm to 5am (early bird gets the job!), but epic fail, I was not able to hear the alarm and I woke up at 12nn. Good job, Kat. The heater's still on, so I took a shower immediately. Had 2 sticks of coffee and an apple for brunch. And now, procrastinating for more than 2 hours already. Epic fail.

I promise, after updating this blog, I will start working na. Good bye Facebook and other distractions! Hello, work. Good. Not. I am downloading Disney's Aladdin and Cinderella. Will watch ~~later~~ soon.

Agenda for next week.. or next next week:

❤ Go to Independence Hall and witness the beauty of Autumn!
❤ the plan!
❤ Watch "Tme Traveller's Wife" in Yawoori
❤ Update this blog forevermore
❤ Report in Korean Society! Ugh
❤ G-Force! FTW!
❤ Have fun, live my life to the fullest :)

Here are some more hang overs from 500 days of Summer Joseph Gordon-Levitt's oh-so-cute as well! ❤

*****
Image sources:
❤http://wondersinthedark.wordpress.com/2009/04/18/500-days-of-summer/
❤ http://aingheltrix.tumblr.com/

Sutured

2009-10-24T02:46:00.006+08:00

Ang mahirap kasi sa anime, isa lang ang karakter nila. Hindi naman pwedeng si Prinsipe Lenard ay magpalit ng karakter at gampanan ang karakter ni Richard ng Daimos o ni Goku ng Dragon Ball. Magkaiba ang itsura nila, magkaiba ang karakter nila. At higit sa lahat, sila ay natatangi sapagkat nilikha (o iginuhit) lamang sila para sa partikular na karakter na kanilang ginagampanan. Kumbaga, hindi sila tulad ng mga artistang tao na may iba't ibang karakter na ginagampanan sa bawat palabas na kanilang pinagtatampukan. Halimbawa, si Angelica Panganiban ay ang kontrabidang si Scarlet sa "Iisa Pa Lamang", pero sya rin ang patawa na si Krissy sa NNNN. Yung ganun, may iba siyang karakter na ginagampanan. At higit sa lahat, tao sya na nakikita mo bilang siya (Angelica Panganiban) sa labas ng mga karakter na ginagampanan nya. Eh si Prinsipe Lenard, sino ba siya maliban sa pagiging si Lenard at si Prinsipe Lenard? Sino ba sya maliban sa pagiging isang karakter sa Cinderella Monogatari? Wala na. Doon lang sya nakukulong. Kaya mas nakakalungkot. :(

Kung nais mo ring ma-suture at balikan ang iyong nostalgic na kabataan, eto yung links:
http://www.youtube.com/user/c0r3e#p/u
http://www.veoh.com/users/coree

Cinderella Monogatari and Prinsipe Lenard

2009-10-24T01:23:00.019+08:00

Last Thursday, Elai and I went nostalgic over animes shown in ABS-CBN when we were young(er). I mentioned that I really loved ABS' Cinderella (Japanese--Cinderella Monogatari) and that I have been searching for the Tagalog version for a long time na. We searched YouTube and were surprised to find one. Captured from Veoh pa--huli ka! Pinalabas sya ulit some time in 2008, and thank goodness for technology and Coree (the one who kindly recorded every episode and uploaded them) I was able to satisfy my long time desire. ❤

Grabe, everything was really nostalgic for me! Prinsipe Lenard really never failed to make me feel kilig. He's so cute, hot, a gentleman, a humorous guy, everything--everything that a stereotype perfect guy is! Pero infairness, ang gwapo nya talaga! At super kinikilig lang talaga ko pag nakikita sya, at sa mga kilig scenes nila ni Cinderella syempre. Okay, shut up, Kat. :)) Though I saw some themes and scenes in the anime na ka-critique-critique (notion of ideal woman, ideal guy, women's and men's expected roles, being submissive, etc), nangibabaw pa rin ang kababawan in me! :P Everything was just so damn nostalgic kaya I was able to watch all 24 episodes (ki-nut ng ABS yung EP 9 at 22, boo!) in just less than 10 hours! I found out pa that Eugene Domingo was one of the dubbers! Haha, amazing talaga. :) I think she dubbed Jane, Bb. Paulette, the Queen, and the voice over for the title at the beginning of every episode. Ang amazing lang nya talaga, at ang amazing lang for me ng fact na yun. Haha. :D Pero ang gwapo lang talaga ni Prinsipe Lenard. I have always fallen in love with him since the first time that I watched that anime. I was, I think around grade 3 or 4 then. It was 1999. Pero parang I think napanood ko na sya when I was in kindergarten palang. Or baka memory fail lang ako. Haha.

Pero ayun, as I get more and more excited to watch the ending, I felt really really sad as well. Eto na naman ako. The "separation anxiety" in me. :( Because I felt so nostalgic, suddenly I wanna go back to my childhood days. Here I go again with my realization that I always tend to linger on the past and yet think much about the future. The result: I tend to skip the present. :( I just felt that I was never able to live my life to the fullest. I am always nostalgic about the past. I can't let go. I can't move on. There are times when I would just feel that I am not really ready to accept the big changes that are happening in my life. Pero when I think about my plans and dreams in the future, I can feel that I am such in a hurry. But I cannot concentrate on the present. Of course there are also times that I would really want to live my life to the fullest--living as if everyday is my last day on earth. Pero imposible pa rin talaga eh. :( at the end of the day, I would always feel that there's something lacking in me. I am still trapped in the past. :|

Haaaay, Prinsipe Lenard naman kasi eh! You made me feel so sad. :( sana nag-eexist ka nalang in reality. Pero I can't picture in my mind kung paano ang magiging itsura mo, kung maging tao ka man. Drawing ka parin sa utak ko eh. Hindi ka matratranslate into real human being. Too bad. :P I will just drool myself with your kagwapuhan, and all the kilig scenes in Cinderella Monogatori--the best version of Cinderella ever!

Kasi in this anime, you would really see the development of the love story between Cinderella and Prinsipe Lenard. Also, the twist that the prince tried to be a commoner and actually made friends with Cinderella made the story even more interesting (aysus, ang pangarap ng mga babae sa real life!). Ang ganda pati ni Tiya Selina, Jane, at Katrina. :D As in super okay ang lahat. :DDDDD

I am so sutured. Dahil na rin sa influence ng iba't-ibang social institutions sa atin, hindi ako magtataka kung halos karamihan sa mga kababaihan ay nangarap na magkaroon ng love story na kagaya ng kay Cinderella; nangarap na magkaroon ng kanilang mga Prinsipe Lenard. Kahit ako, isa sa mga 'yon. Pero nakakalungkot lang rin talaga ang realization na umuusad ang panahon. Ang mga bagay na nakasanayan mo noon ay unti-unti ring mawawala. Maikli lang talaga ang buhay ng tao sa mundo. Sa sobrang ikli, hindi ko dapat sayangin. (Pero nakaka-miss at nakakalungkot lang din kasi talaga minsan)

Prinsipe Lenard, magkikita rin tayo. Hihintayin kita. :)

"Cherish things while you still have them, for one of the hardest things to deal with is regret."

Facebook addiction

2009-10-22T13:18:00.018+08:00

I want to update my blog as regularly as possible. Like every minute..nah..everyday at least. But most of the time, I am just busy with work, and work, and work, and with Facebook. I don't even feel as though I'm a student at all! Recently, there has been this article about being a Facebook addict.

Are you a Facebook addict?
Here are the symptoms:

1. You lose sleep over Facebook. When using Facebook becomes a compulsion and you spend entire nights logged on to the site, causing you to become tired the next day. [CHECK]

2. You spend more than an hour a day on Facebook. Lipari said it is difficult to define how much is too much when it comes to Facebook usage, but that an average person need only spend half an hour on the site. [CHECK]

3. You become obsessed with old loves or exes you reconnect with on Facebook. [NOT REALLY, but I sometimes stalk them though, lol]

4. You ignore work in favor of Facebook. This means you do not do your job in order to sneak time on Facebook. [NOT AT ALL TIMES APPLICABLE. HAHA. DEPENDS ON THE WORK.]

5. The thought of getting off Facebook leaves you in cold sweat. If you try going a day without Facebook and it causes you stress and anxiety, this means you need help. [DI NAMAN! EXAGGE!]

****

So there, I'm not a super Facebook addict naman na, addict palang. And besides, I also go to other sites. So internet addict lang siguro, in general. But really, random web surfing is really eating up most of my time. Yeah, I can still live without the 24/7 internet connection. Pero the thing is, while I have this now, it keeps me distracted from my work, or my goal. Bakit ba kasi ang saya mag-net? :|

*****

Anyway, moving on. Since the September 26 bagyo, andaming nabago sa online system ko. I wanted to post many things in this blog during that time. Gaya ng mga sumusunod: (pasintabi kay Bea Alfonso dahil hihiramin ko ang kanyang heart bullets)

❤ September 26--I was very busy playing Plants vs. Zombies. In 2 or 3 days, I was able to finish the game! Whoohoh.
❤ While I was just pa-easy-easy playing PVZ, may catastrophe na palang nagaganap sa Pinas. I was just able to contact my family at around 3am of September 27th. Our house was flooded, things destroyed, but good thing my family's safe. 3 cats safe, but Teipipi--dead. :(
❤ The Filipino Bayanihan made me feel good and proud. :)
❤ The internet and social networking sites are really influential (and useful in some ways) nowadays.
❤ I've been really busy with my new work--lay out artist for the KUTie Kronicles. Wala na kong weekends. Huhu. Pero okay lang, I'm having quite fun din naman. Kahit first time ko mag-lay out, ever! :)
❤ I've been really sabaw in my Photography Class. Number 1, it's in Korean. 2, I don't have my own DSLR. I just borrow from Conchocon. 3, I don't even know the basics. Yeah, read, yeah.And the worst part of it: inventing meaning for Korean words. Haha. sometimes I find myself nodding and smiling with what the professor says. As if naman I really understood what she said, even though she's explaining some technicalities. Haha. Sabaw. It's so early pa, like 10am! So super sabaw. :|
❤ I miss everyone and everything back in the Philippines.
❤ Kim Ji Beom went here last week! ^^
❤ Nam Woo Omma is gradually changing back to his old self. Ohyeah. :)
❤ I found a site wherein they have live streaming of different Filipino channels. I also found Home Radio online working good also. Ohyeah, bat ngayon ko lang to nadiscover after 8 months? Hahaha. feels like home, really.
❤ Hindi na ko regular mag-Mafia Wars. Good or bad?
❤ We got to perform in front of the whole KUT people! And we won! Popularity Award! Hehe. [video]
❤ I've been through ups and downs in terms of my romantic relationship. Being positive, the good thing is, there are always UPs. :)
❤ Sumasakit ang left boob ko. Why oh wy? :(
❤ Winter's coming. I hate. Yes.
❤ Been loving Pat's and Gabe Bondoc's Tumblr. :)

*****

Randoms I LOVE.KEMM Performance :)

Elai and monkey (I took this shot! ohyeah!)

cute kitty and cute picture :)

MouseHunt and MH bear. Also, Ronza's back! Woohooh!

Ryan Reynolds. Oh-so-hot!

The Proposal. so cute and kilig. ❤

You can run, you can hide

2009-10-18T00:43:00.003+08:00

but you can't escape my (insert noun here).

Infiltrated.
And you now discovered this nook.
I figured it was through twitter.
But I was wrong.
So you are stalking me.
So you are stalking me?

Do you still think of me?
You still think of me.

Yesterday was one of my very proud moments.
I wished you were there.
So that you could be proud of me, too.
I wished you were there.
So that you can ease out the nervousness in me.
I wished you were there.
So that you can hug me after that big moment that I had.

I sent a message to you about that.
But you didn't send a reply.
Maybe it was gone with the wind?
Or maybe you just didn't mind.
Maybe you were just too busy.
Being yourself.

I have been sad lately.
Big time.
Because you were not there.
Enough about y0ur excuses.
I heard enough.

But then, maybe I'm just overly demanding?
But then, maybe I'm just overly demanding.
I am not.
I know I am not.
I think I am not.

My mind is clouded.
My eyes full of tears.
You told me crying will never help.
It helps me.
It helps me a lot.

But amidst all these sadness
I little thought came into my mind.
Trust.
You said I should trust our relationship.
Yes, I do.
Yes I do.

But isn't this too much to test my trust?
Isn't this too much to test my trust?

And now you discovered my nook.
I cannot be myself that you hate.
I cannot be nagging and ranting here anymore.
Because by then, you may have to hate me more.

Infiltrated.

Project ignoring katnabor great success.

project ignoring katnabor success.

2009-10-17T23:05:00.005+08:00

source

To my dearest sister,

2009-09-22T13:06:00.006+08:00

I know that since the past few months, you've been experiencing a big event in your life. An event that is really life-changing for you; yet an event you'd rather not want to happen. For the most part of your teenage life, I've witnessed almost fair enough all the heaven-like and emotion-draining moments that you've had about love. We've grown to be such a part of each other that silence sits comfortably between us, communication is possible through a simple gesture without any accompanied word, and our lives are completely unimaginable without the other, right? ;)

During our freshmen year in high school, I never really thought that we'd be this close. I remember you from Kids for Christ maybe, though I've heard a lot more about Joyce. The only information I know about you is that you're from SIC and you're rich! Hahaha. The Alfonso and Amonoy clans in Tanay. :P We were from different sections during our first year and I just know that you're famous because you're beautiful and that many guys from school had a crush on you.

Come second year. We became seatmates, I guess. You, me, Sop. SKB (SopKatBea/Sobrang Kain kaya Batchoy) was founded. We became close. Closer. Closest. :) I had a huge ~~crush~~ love ~~affair~~ with the guy who had a major interest on you. You found out about that in 4th year HS or maybe in college already. But I always know in my mind that maybe you already know about it even in high school. Despite that incident, we are still the best of friends. The bestest, if such word ever existed. Or even more than that, maybe.

We entered college. And though we are separated (different major, bummer!) the friendship that we have established seized to grow more. :) And even though we are not as together as we were in high school, I still find it wonderful that we still get along well with each other, the warmth of our friendship still stronger, we still seek each other's advice on pretty much everything that is happening with us, we share killer secrets *shhhh*, we talk endlessly (we never ran out of kwentos!), we have plans and dreams in life together..everything! So many I will not finish if I list all of them! :D

As I always tell you Bea, you're one ultimate person in my life who listens, understands, accepts, and loves me for who I am. And I know that you're the one last person in this world that will stand by me when everything else fails. I consider you more than just a best friend, you're a sister to me! A perfect sister to me! :) And I am very happy that you consider me an important person in your life as well. Your letter to me in the Pape notebook you gave me, anyone? Heehee. :) I was really touched by that. I really didn't expect that I am that important to you. :P

Yes, we've had many good memories growing together as teenagers. And now that you're a teenage girl no more, I still wish (and want!) to be involved in your life (not just for the most part of it).

(Belated) Happy birthday Bea, my dearest sister! I love you and I am very thankful that I have you in my life! You are one wonderful blessing to me that I want to cherish for the rest of my life. Kat Nabor will not be the Kat Nabor that you and everyone know, without the only "Bibi" in her life. :)

Beautifully imperfect.

2009-09-21T00:54:00.003+08:00

"In the end, it's these small things that you remember; the little imperfections that make them perfect for you.."

You are beautifully imperfect for me, dear Jorem. I love you. :)

As what Neeks has said, "I knew that I was in love with him because I can just let go of everything that's annoying with him." <3

******
about the video:
"Funeral" is a new TV commerical launched by the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) which looks at relationships in a different light, through a woman at her husband's funeral. Ultimately, the TVC celebrates the beautiful imperfections that make a relationship perfect. This is fresh off MCYS latest Viewers' Choice 2008 win for last year's Family TVC which promotes the importance and value of family bonding.

credits to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nw0s4C0g5SM

Stumbled upon.

2009-09-20T22:51:00.006+08:00

Today, I reformatted Andy. I ended my more than one year affair with my ~~pirated~~ Windows Vista Ultimate OS, and I switched back to what they call the ever reliable Windows XP. But since I cannot get over with my affair with the Vista, I downloaded a Vista theme. Past is past, but time is needed for moving on. Tsk.

Anyway, as I was checking which files are to be copied back to Andy (thanks to Elai and to her HDD ng bayan), I stumbled upon this notepad document that I saved from a text message I received last year, maybe. The file name that I entered was love =).

"as we mature, we all have to make this transition. we all have to let go of some of our fairytale expectations for love, and learn to embrace a kind of love that can survive a few hard winters. love that has been tested is far more awe inspiring than love that has never known anything but bliss. don't look for a partner with whom you have no problems, but one you are good at overcoming problems with."

Oh dear love. Why are you playing so hard-to-get? Why do you always wanted to be chased after? Can't you just settle just once? Yes, sometimes I am so lost. Lost in love. But sometimes, the feeling of being lost in love is just so damn fine.